that is a passive aggressive way of saying "I have no intention of going to your show." ...

right ?

I experienced this back in the day, and always saw it for what it was.

I saw it happening in a Music Forum thread a few days ago.

Why not just say, "Can't make it, got something better to do than be bored by your mediocre band." or something equivalent ?

"I'll try to make it ...."

What is that ?

"Try to make it" if you get the dishes done, or are allotted extra shore leave from the S.S. Douchebag ?

Just let your friends off the hook, and tell them their band sucks, and isn't worth wasting a Thursday at TT's over.

Cripes.

' You caught me off guard and I cant think of an excuse on the spot '.

I'll try to care about your thoughts

Would you rather have a person tell you they will be there and then not show up? Not everyone is aware of all the things they have to do all the time. When I tell someone I'll try to do something, that is exactly what I mean. Most of the time things work out, but if they don't you don't have to worry about having broken a promise.

When inviting people to your shows this is the rule of thumb:

I am not going means I am not going.

I might make it means I am not going.

I will be there means I might make it.

"Fucking A dude! I haven't seen you guys in a wicked long time! I can't wait!" means that yes, they will be there... sometimes.

"how are you!?"

oh wait, i dont give a shit

What makes it passive aggressive?

disingenuous
better?

Well, maybe everyone you know is an asshole, but when I say I'll try to make it it's usually because I think to myself, "Hmmm, well I (have to be somewhere else, don't feel particularly well, it's kind of far, etc.), but it would still be nice to try to make it to the show," so I say, "Yeah, I'll try to make it."

Sometimes I make it, sometimes I don't.

Yes, better.

Sometimes, for whatever reason, I don't show up at shows I earlier expressed enthusiasm for.

I figure it's okay because no one gives a shit.

I actually just said this to a dude at work, not 5 minutes ago.

For me it pretty much means "when you play with bands that don't suck and I'm not too busy, I'll check out your band"

so do ya actually plan to go or not...?

This does annoy me because when I say I will try to make it...it means I will try to make it...some times band practice goes long, or something like that, but otherwise, I will be there.

"Actually, I'm going to sit on my couch and watch TV for the 956th consecutive night."

I'd honestly like to see his band, because he's a really good dude. But they're a metal band, which ain't really my thing, and the show he was talking about is at the Palladium, which might be more bread than I'm willing to drop. So yeah, I'll definitely see them at some point, but this may or may not be the show I go to.

For a while, they guys in Sloan had T- shirts that said "Sorry I missed your set".

Why do you ask ?

Well, you don't have to answer if it's too much of a hassle.

I guess.

Whatever.

I hope you're not mad at me now.

people have given me shit even when i never lied about coming

ok, so... pretty clearly, no actual intention of making that one at all.
these are just figures of speech which everyone's guilty of.
(i.e., nitpicking & not really worth a thread --- a good analogy would be, next time someone says "how ya doin'?," start actually telling them, in painstaking detail... w/in 30 seconds, they're checking their watches & saying they'e runnning late.
(this is why just answering "fine" or whatever is an equal load o' shit.)
HOWEVER, there are easy-enough outs.
i've always said, "can't promise i'll make it, but lemme see what's up."
this obligates you to nothing but "seeing what's up," and they're not likely to call you to ask if you've seen what's up yet.
and if you don't make it, obviously you saw what was up anyway.
and the best part of THAT is, they tend not to badger you for same afterwards.
conversely, it'd be nice if those playing would tactfully say something like, "love to see you if you can make it," instead of the more usual "dude, we're playing, you gotta come!"
in other words, everyone shut the fuck up.

"You guys are great!"

"Do you guys have a mailing list ?"

Well, if that's what you want, okay, I guess....

Mom ?

That's the thing, though. I know that playing there is probably big deal for him, and I'd like to show some support. And it's really close to my house. Not to mention the fact that the Palladium's probably the best place to SEE a band like his, and I'd rather see him/them there than a smaller club. But I really gotta get the details, because if it's one of those all-day things that's gonna cost me like 40 bucks... then no dice. Know what I'm saying?

i do.
why not just ask him the details?
or at least tell him you're broke & maybe he could guest list ya.

"Let's do lunch."

I have heard that used in a false way but I also have said and meant it for real. Sometimes in my mind I have every intention of making it to a show and then decide to stay in. So trying to be a person of my word, I think it is acceptable. It's not I might stay home and do dishes but more I might stay home and rest because work, work with no downtime can get one that way. So it's a way for me to be honest. I don't like making commitments that I can't keep. Besides, who wants to be bound to going out to an event? Not me.

I'm gonna try and come up with a reply for this thread.

dunno if it'll happen, but I promise I'll try really hard.

Sometimes life makes a mockery of your plans. Case in point: I promised to be at a show on Saturday night, but on Friday I was too sick to go to work and Saturday wasn't much better so I stayed home.

Shit happens. I would have been at the show, had I felt capable of staying vertical for the evening.

This past year, an ex bandmate of mine took to text messaging me about upcoming shows his new band (which sucks badly) had. After about the tenth or more time, I replied with "Never going, fuck you". Oddly enough, the text updates stopped after that.

Never underestimate the lure of the sofa.
Supergrass had a song called "Sofa of my lethargy."
There you have it.

"Sorry I couldn't make your show, but I bet you looked like you were having fun up there."

The sofa of their lethargy helps them to save their money for the children.

i was outside holding my girlfriend's hair
I thought you were good tho
dont know what her problem was

My thoughts are that if you TRY hard enough, you'll more than likely make it.

I never say that, unless I truly plan on going.

If anyone ever asks me my honest opinion, I give it.

I wouldn't expect people to pretend to like my band.

You either like it or you don't.

"That's too bad, I've been banned from that venue"

repeat as needed

I see about 1-3 shows/wk in the listings that I would like to catch. But realistically, you're lucky if you can see 1 show/month that's not your own. Between practice time, a day job, and playing out, your free time gets scarce very quickly. That's really why marketing to musicians as a potential audience is usually a dead end.

A big factor is the venue itself. If it's a club you feel is a cool place to hang around, you'll go to the show. If it's some place you've never heard of, you'll think twice. You also have to factor in transportation issues too.

Getting there is the hardest part, with sleep dep coming in 2nd. But when you're at someone else's show, it just feels so relaxing and stress free. No gear to lug in/out, no last minute set time juggling, no mandatory schmoozing. Just sit back, get drunk/stoned and enjoy the show.

The next time someone asks me to go see thir band, I'm going to recite the above, word for word while walking in circles around them like a chicken.

I don't say "I'll try to make it" unless I mean it. Then I generally bat about .750.

It usually feels worse to get there late than not to make it at all.

It's passive aggressive guilt, coupled with insecurity. You get it a lot more in Providence.
The only time it bothers me is when I witness people repeatedly supporting bands that are pretty horrible by all standards, yet can offer some sense of 'see, and be seen' - without having yet discovered that yes; my band: really, really sucks.

See, now this should be said more often.