5 Year Old Beat Down Options

[hobot]

Here's another good quesiton - what if there was a standoff?  Let's say you get down to five kids left, and they're all on the other side of the cage.  They refuse to rush you, and instead wait for you to attack.  How do you go about knocking them all out without them all leaping on you as you dash in?

We've all been thinking about this as if the kids are running to attack us, but if it were reversed, you'd be fucked.

Do we need to study up on comprehensive reading?

* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.

[Guest]

people, people,

you are forgetting NAP TIME!

you just have to outrun them for an hour or so.

no, the way it is set up is that they are on a cycle, so fresh ones just waking up, nice and cranky , will be coming at you as the embattled ones head off to sleepyville.

[Guest]

question though... are they allowed to bite, scratch eyes out and/or pull hair?

[/quote]

Yes.

[Drama Warrior]

Well, this thread certainly interrupted my fight/flight pattern for today. I was just trying to figure out how to intercept a peer from another department that has an alliance with of one of my bosses and is trying to backdoor something with an end around manouver and totally fuck me up with a media rep I've been trying to get established with. Kicking the shit out of hordes of 5 yr olds that are bent on my personal destruction seems like a whole different kind of concern. Not worse or better. Just different.

[Guest]

Here is a story that may or may not surprise you.

I worked in an afterschool program ( grades 1-6 )
Long story short - we had a first grader that had some "anger problems" and had been taken off his meds ( without his parents informing us of that.)

A situation occurred that got incredibly out of hand ( and without me getting into the very lengthy story) it took THREE of us to restrain him until his mom got there. He was only 6 years old and barely 60lbs. He ripped out a chunk of my hair,  bruised up my shins ( kicking ) and threw sand in my eyes ( blinding me for a moment ) - he also ripped the front of another teacher's shirt open, and bit the arm of the very large, very strong 300 lb child psychologist so badly she had to get a tetanus shot ( and it was bleeding and purple. )

So, don't underestimate the strength of a young kid. You'd be surprised what they can do ( Another problem 6 year old in the program also came after me with a pair of shears - right at my stomach - and swung one of those black metal sheet music stands at my head and missed me by inches)

Agreed....but you were trying to restrain him not knock him out. His parents would have been pissed if you zapped him once as hard as you could in the mush.....that probably would have worked better than his meds.

yeah, it would have been easier to just wail him indiscrimately.
you are nopt concerned about the 5 year old's safety in this scenario, just your own.

[JVK]

Robby's grill is totally busted from this Kung-Fu style kick. The plastic surgery required for his face ain't near what it's gonna take to mend the poor bastard's ruined psyche.

[Guest]

I still feel that Santa as a propaganda tool might carry some weight.

Certainly worth a try during the initial onrush

[Guest]

I was totally thinking this scenario too....

[Drama Warrior]

Are these kids afraid of blood? Can they get totally grossed out? Even if they're motivated, are they motivated beyond normal human sensibilities? This could be an important distinction.

[Milo and His Syndicate]

I wonder how well a few 5 yr olds would fare against someone who isn't afraid to pick them up and bit them in the face? I would think that after watching the blood flow from my lips from one precious unfortunate, that the others would turn tail.

Then again, I only had to take out a 5 yr old once and I was 5 too...

[T-Bone]

Do we need to study up on comprehensive reading?

No, I was offering that scenario as a way of saying that if the kids were taught some strategy, it could get tricky. Remember, the kids have been trained. If they have been told, "Stick together - you're more powerful as a group," then they might do that. If so, how do you handle it? Just running at them with your arms out is going to result in you getting your ass kicked.

[Guest]

Are these kids afraid of blood?  Can they get totally grossed out?  Even if they're motivated, are they motivated beyond normal human sensibilities?  This could be an important distinction.

nope, they are not afraid of blood, they will keep coming and know no fear.

[Guest]

I think the key would be to establish a perimeter, distance between you and the horde... that way they can't swarm you and take you over.

Here's a question I pose to the initial poster.. what would happen with the smited 5 Year olds... their bodies would eventually build up around you.  This could help establish a perimeter and therefore help you as it would reduce the rate of the 5 year old attacks.
Then again, if the body build up bacame so high, they could climb up the bodies and dive off of them and attack your head, giving the 5 year old an advantage of having a means to attack your upper body (head/arms, etc).

Or would the little sons of bitches be trained as part of their tactical training to pull the downed bodies back away from the fight, therefore preventing a "body wall" build up... but at the same time probably reducing the overall number of 5 year olds that could attack at once. 

I'd say that with a limited space only 10-15 5 year olds could attck you at once.. so an attack wave could only be 15 max attackers at once.

I'd still like to hear how the corpse build up factor would be handled.

[Drama Warrior]

Do we need to study up on comprehensive reading?

No, I was offering that scenario as a way of saying that if the kids were taught some strategy, it could get tricky. Remember, the kids have been trained. If they have been told, "Stick together - you're more powerful as a group," then they might do that. If so, how do you handle it? Just running at them with your arms out is going to result in you getting your ass kicked.

Hey, ever try teaching a 5 yr old how to hit a T-ball? Nothing anyone could teach them will stick once the fur starts flying.

[T-Bone]

Are these kids afraid of blood?  Can they get totally grossed out?  Even if they're motivated, are they motivated beyond normal human sensibilities?  This could be an important distinction.

I think the kids are supposed to be "like" zombies, but not zombies. So no, not afraid of anything. Totally fearless. Not normal kids.

[Guest]

Are these kids afraid of blood?  Can they get totally grossed out?  Even if they're motivated, are they motivated beyond normal human sensibilities?  This could be an important distinction.

I think the kids are supposed to be "like" zombies, but not zombies. So no, not afraid of anything. Totally fearless. Not normal kids.

so, they listen to gangsta rap?

[Drama Warrior]

Are these kids afraid of blood?  Can they get totally grossed out?  Even if they're motivated, are they motivated beyond normal human sensibilities?  This could be an important distinction.

nope, they are not afraid of blood, they will keep coming and know no fear.

So, these kids aren't really kids then. They're gouls inside the bodies of 5 yr old kids. Real kids would get totally fucked up over blood. I can't relate to goul possessed 5 yr olds.

[lap cheng]

I imagine myself like Sauron at the beginning of the LOTR movie where he would swing his weapon once and 45 elves and humans would go flying.

[Guest]

Having taken on and trounced ~12 8-10 yr olds at once on several occasions, I could probably take out 60-80 5yr olds before I got too bored to continue.

[Guest]

what if they were 4 year olds?
what if they were geriatrics?
Either way, at some point we'd be taken out.

[Drama Warrior]

what if they were 4 year olds?
what if they were geriatrics?
Either way, at some point we'd be taken out.

or geriatric 4 yr olds?

[Guest]

I've just been reading this bizarre yet funny thread. Has anyone considered that of 5 year olds now aren't so little anymore. Go to any Chuckie Cheese and you will see a bunch of little tankers. Also, a lot of them smell like they just shit their sweat pants.....

[FrankD]

Just offer to take them out for ice cream if they pretend to be knocked out.

Nice Cream.

[Guest]

I think you could go as long as you could do roundhouse kicks.
Once you get to tired you'd be done.

[Geektastic Dave]

I've just been reading this bizarre yet funny thread.  Has anyone considered that of 5 year olds now aren't so little anymore.  Go to any Chuckie Cheese and you will see a bunch of little tankers.  Also, a lot of them smell like they just shit their sweat pants.....

If you really knew 5 years olds today, you'd realize they now wear designer clothing.

Anyway- I like this head games idea. Almsot any little kid when asked will switch sides in any fight ebcause it's cool to do so.