NOIR MISFORTUNE COOKIES Options

[dimenno]

1. Your secret love does not reciprocate.
2. You will work harder, until broken.
3. Ungrateful children will break your lonely heart.
4. You childhood sweetheart now finds you dull.
5. They are close to finding and crushing you.
6. Push away dessert, Fatty--Doctor's orders!
7. Your competence will soon be questioned.
8. Your mentor concludes you are a punk.
9. You will be forgotten long before you die.
10. You come into money; ensuing happiness eludes.
11. Secret foes industriously plot your destruction.
12. Flocks of birds portend personal disaster.
13. They will no longer tolerate your feckless shenanigans.
14. The weakling you once bullied is now your boss.
15. Your family wearies of your financial problems.
16. It is far too late for you to catch up on your reading.
17. People secretly scorn your taste in movies.
18. Why are you rushing when disaster is around the corner?
19. You have good reason to be paranoid, crazy one.
20. The croaking raven bellows forth revenge.
21. Your crude pranks are no longer acceptable.
22. Did you honestly think you would escape punishment?
23. Your bellowing laughter is an embarrassment.
24. You feel compelled to get in your own way.
25. Ringing bells will portend disaster.
26. They have good reason to stare at you.
27. Your foolish eagerness to please will prove catastrophic.
28. You have a reputation for wasting people's time.
29. You are compelled to stubbornly repeat past mistakes.
30. Your insights are derivative and foolish.
31. One more mistake and you are doomed.
32. You have been seduced by attractive delusions.
33. You are in far more trouble than you realize.
34. They no longer pretend to believe your excuses.
35. You are at the very top of their secret list.
36. You are no longer being mentioned on Facebook.
37. They flee from you, that oft-times did you seek.
38. Secret cameras are recording your misdemeanors.
39. You'll never live it down.
40. You are neither young, nor a professional.
41. You will never escape your destiny.
42. Your so-called friends are not who they seem.
43. Putting matters right is beyond your control.
44. The police detective needs to ask just one more question.
45. Everyone can see through your disguise.
46. No matter what you do, the problem will remain.
47. You will never emerge from behind your wall.
48. Your search for love will end in disaster.
49. Your secret shame is obvious to all.
50. You have waited too long to leave town.
51. Everyone makes mistakes, but yours is deadly.
52. They will never believe you thought the gun was unloaded.
53. The police say they are powerless to protect you.
54. It is your son who is murdering the neighborhood pets.
55. Your efforts will never pay off.
56. Your unchained demons will destroy you.
57. The Boss Man knows you are skimming from the take.
58. That monkey on your back is now a gorilla.
59. They will find you no matter how far you run.
60. The Big Man knows you are wearing a wire.
61. You will be shot while stealing from a clothesline.
62. Remember--a stool pigeon can sing but he can't fly.
63. You will be disarmed by Hoboes and beaten senseless.
64. The ex-champ will take offense at your disrespect.
65. The Hotel Dick suspects you are a cat burglar.
66. Nobody will believe you were only a Patsy.
67. The loan shark is beginning to lose his patience.
68. You know too much--soon they will rub you out.
69.Your lawyer is afraid to return your calls.
70. Someday that big mouth of yours will get you killed.
71. Your accountant has just turned State's Evidence.
72. Your loving wife is a lady of easy virtue.
73. Your youngest daughter has run off with a Chili Pimp.
74. Disregard that hot tip--the race is fixed.
75. You will be stabbed for holding out on "Mr. Lucky".
76. You can't tell the police--they're in on it too.
77. Flophouse tramps will steal your only shoes.
78. Authorities will disbelieve your stories of a secret spy ring.
79. You would be better off forgetting you ever saw anything.
80. You will never convince them it was an accident.
81. Your alibi is not as airtight as you think.
82. Your self-defined moral code will prove inadequate.
83. You will rue the day you ever stole that accursed diamond.
84. Your influential friends are no help to you now.
85. Drunkenness is never an excuse for murder.
86. They will never buy your plea of self-defense.
87. Degenerate companions lure you into abject drug slavery.
88. That lonely woman at the bar is nothing but trouble.
89. The savvy insurance adjuster is onto you.
90. You call it gentle persuasion--the D.A. says it's Extortion.
91. The honest cop you cannot bribe will be your downfall.
92. The cigarette girl will testify your alibi is false.
93. Your misfortunes will cause you to forsake sobriety.
94. It was no dream--they are all dead.
95. Your cheating spouse will make your existence a living nightmare.
96. The police will naturally consider you their prime suspect.
97. Your ill-planned caper will go sideways fast.
98. The deathbed confession of your accomplice implicates you.
99. Your credentials will be mocked as a crude forgery.
100. You might have escaped but greed was your undoing.
101. You will end up like your father--a hopeless drunk.
102. Your brother will recant his exculpatory testimony.
103. They'll refuse to believe it was actually your evil twin.
104. A ricochet will incapacitate your youthful sidekick.
105. Suicide? A suspicious detective will conclude otherwise.
106. One more stupid wisecrack will earn you a fat lip.
107. You'll certainly rue the day.
108. Don't you get it? You are already a dead man.
109. The old man kept a notebook. He wrote it all down.
110. Someone's got it in for you.
111. Everyone is fully aware of your utter impotence.
112. Your opposition is more than a match for you.
113. They are monitoring all your calls.
114. Scratch all you want--the insects will never go away.
115. Even your lapdog is addicted to the fumes of opium.
116. You will never be able to locate all the hidden bugs.
117. Your life as you once knew it is now over.
118. Your legal problems have only begun.
119. You will never live to spend that stolen loot.
120. An escaped lunatic is lurking in your garage.
121. You're thinking you can't sink any lower. You are wrong.
122. You are only a pawn in their evil game.
123. You should have known she was another man's wife.
124. Your friendly pawnbroker has ratted you out to the cops.
125. You never should have double-crossed the Syndicate Boys.
126. Both you and your associate are doomed.
127. You haven't gotten away with it...yet.
128. You want something done, go see the Boss.
129. Who benefits? Everyone but you.
130. Looks like your luck has finally run out.
131. Stupid! You never say "No" to the Big Man!
132. You just made a deadly mistake.
133. They can practically smell your desperation.
134. Heads, you lose; tails, you lose again.
135. The old lady across the street is spying on you.
136. For you, one drink is one too many.
137. You will soon be murdered by your psychotic sidekick.
138. All of your actions will have unwanted consequences.
139. Everlasting grief and sorrow will be your destiny.
140. You were born dead. So die, already.
141. They are just beginning to pay you back.
142. Trouble is all you know.
143. Sanity has left you, forever.
144. Misfortune is your middle name.
145. What part of 'surrender' do you fail to understand?
146. Your wound is far more than merely a scratch.
147. It is far too late. They are inexorably closing in.
148. You have lost everything but you will lose even more.
149. It's a trap. Even a child could tell you that.
150. Just when you think you're safe is when they'll strike.
151. Mister, you do not have a lucky face.
152. They are doing this to you simply because they can.
153. Vital information they withhold will seal your fate.
154. There is nothing you can do to stop them.
155. Everybody knows you are a stupid coward.
156. This is indeed happening. This is very much happening.
157. You will be trapped by your own excuses.
158. It is far too late to try to make amends.
159. It is you who are your own worst nightmare.
160. You have signed your own death certificate.
161. She never had eyes for you. Only your money.
162. They just can't wait to throw you under the bus.
163. When you're dead, you're dead, and you...are dead.
164. God has never liked you and He never will.
165. They will dance at your funeral, and scalp tickets.
166. They will call your parrot to the witness stand.
167. Confess? Forget it. The police will laugh in your face.
168. Your dealer has been arrested, and you're next.
169. You only think you left no fingerprints.
170. Your new best friend is an undercover cop.
171. Dad would be very disappointed, if you hadn't killed him.
172. You are not feared in your neighborhood or anywhere else.
173. That girl from the church social is a crack whore.
174. You will be interrogated by Bad Cop...and Worse Cop.
175. Your paranoia will be your downfall.
176. The elderly pensioner knows your secret.
177. You will never again experience serenity.
178. You can cheat the casino, but not the hangman.
179. Peaceful death was never meant for one like you.
180. You were set to take the fall from Day One.
181. Past indiscretions will haunt you forever.
182. Whatever is under the bed wants to kill you.
183. The police blame the crime wave on you.
184. You have run out of veins to stick the spike.
185. The police dog snarls at the smell of your guilt.
186. Nobody makes the Big Man look like a chump.
187. You will be murdered by a vengeful psychotic clown.
188. The Doctor knows you were a shaken baby.
189. Your enemies operate at the highest level.
190. The conspiracy is real but you will never prove it.
191. Spring flowers portend renewal for everyone but you.
192. That snooping reporter will never stop until you are arrested.
193. Your Malibu's belt-driven pulley-type fan will decapitate you.
194. The nosy pensioner reports that he saw you do it.
195. You'd have escaped detection, if not for those meddling kids.
196. The crooked sheriff will murder you in your sleep.
197. Your evasive answers deceive nobody.
198. You are trapped in your own web of deceit.
199. Your wife is secretly a stripper who dances for ruffians.
200. Your daughter is in love with an evil stranger.
201. The dentist will not see you without an appointment.
202. Even a quick and painless death will be denied you.
203. No one considers you anybody special.
204. Those fiendish voices in your head are actually real.
206. You will never be forgiven for the pain you caused.
207. You are no real man--you are only a weakling.
208. You will be mutilated by a vengeful doctor.
209. They will laugh as they refuse to hear your case.
210. Great misfortune is far too good for one like you.
211. A drunken spiteful nurse will handle you too roughly.
212. Your quavering superstitions are self-fulfilling prophecies.
213. Those you seek to impress despise your fawning attitude.
214. You are easy prey for those who would wrong you.
215. You have been prescribed the wrong dose of medication.
216. Once on the white horse you will never get off.
217. Every day you live the pain will only get worse.
218. Your eyes reveal that you were born to lose.
219. Your crimes do not allow you restful sleep.
220. Innocent you may be, but they'll hang you anyway.
221. In time your black despair will only worsen.
222. You have already been judged, and been found wanting.
223. Your personal Bounty Hunter is the world's best.
224. You will flunk night school and go back to jail.
225. By day you condemn sins and by night commit them.
226. You cannot dodge the landlady forever.
227. The lousy fuzz will never believe you, an ex-con.
228. The fat man in the white suit will betray you.
229. The landlady has reported your activities to the police.
230. That woman you wronged is a widowed mobster's daughter.
231. What is your shoe size? Cement overshoes await.
232. Men with banjos will make your life a living hell.
233. Shoot yourself now, to spare yourself a fate far worse.
234. The world is nothing but great suffering and hungry worms.
235. You will not escape to fight another day.
236. That Feeb you'll try to rob has an iron grip.
237. The slimy, drunken drummer is the secret mastermind.
238. The hostile circus clown blames you for his broken heart.
239. The Detective assigned to your case is named "Bulldog".
240. They will never stop until they have completely broken you.
241. Your worst foe holds all the cards, and knows it.
242. Drug lords believe you are a government informant.
243. They are already gloating about your inevitable downfall.
244. Your mother never forgave that you were born a boy.
245. Nothing you can say will ever change their minds.
246. The jury has been bribed, so you are certainly doomed.
247. Your in-laws are desperately eager to rat you out.
248. All the Boys still remember Sinatra called you a Fink.
249. Your abject begging will only further incite sadistic atrocities.
250. The townfolk eagerly await your come-uppance.
251. That dame you bedded is a psycho Cop's ex-wife.
252. Both the Mob and the Fuzz are gunning for you.
253. Broken Tail-light, Corpse in Trunk--Next Stop, Gas Chamber.
254. Your psychiatrist is not deceived by your feigned insanity.
255. One final score? It was a set-up from the start.
256. For you, April Showers bring Funeral Flowers.
257. Soon, even the stool-pigeons will shun you.
258. You will murder a Hobo over a can of sardines.
259. You should have thrown the hatchet into a deeper pond.
260. Police choppers will notice your 360 at the roadblock.
261. You were born an Outlaw, but now it's official.
262. Personal revenge is sweet--until you are the victim.
263. Crying and screaming--your first moments, and your last.
264. You should have cleaned your pistol before the bank job.
265. You say you've kicked, but the Pusher Man knows better.
266. A future undertow will drag your carcass completely down.
267. You think you're smart, but a doublecrossing dame is smarter.
268. The girl you molested is a childless Mafioso's neice.
269. They are determined to stop you before you kill again.
270. The train has left the station--you're not on it.
271. You were a Chump, loaning Shylock money to a Dame.
272. They'll only be happy when they see your rotting corpse.
273. You shouldn't have poisoned that policeman's Beagle.
274. They blacked your mother's eye--you must kill them all.
275. Seven years you kept your nose clean--not long enough.
276. Angry beggars will steal the clothing from off your back.
277. Drunken Joyride; Hit & Run; Three-Time Loser; 20 Years.
278. Even your dog considers you despicable.
279. Anything you tell them will only make it worse.
280. Your Higher Power has determined you will die a drunk.
281. You are hooked on pain pills; the doctors don't care.
282. Soon, even your sycophants will mock you.
283. You will be arrested for eating sausages on a bus.
284. The circus clowns are actually zombies.
285. You will arrested for inciting a riot at a carnival.
286. Watch out, Mister! If she can't have you, nobody can.
287. You will drunkenly mishandle forty-five sticks of dynamite.
288. Get a grip on yourself; you look like a Bum.
289. You are listed in the Encyclopedia of Crime.
290. Do not tell them where the "sweetbreads" come from.
291. That lush you rolled is an undercover cop.
292. Why don't you get wise to yourself and blow town?
293. They will call you a ball of fire--literally.
294. YOU enjoy your work--but the Police do NOT.
295. No one is fooled by your happy smile.
296. Nobody loved you but Dolly, and they made you kill her.
297. There is breaking news, but it is all bad.
298. You are too old to run and too fat to hide.
299. Your blackmail victim will arrange to have you killed.
300. You should've kept it on the q.t.--too late now.
301. Only you will think your pathetic excuses are amusing.
302. Your long-abandoned son has vowed to destroy you.
303. The Circus Dog scratched you; the infection will be fatal.
304. The male jury will never convict your attractive murderess.
305. Mister, even God is tired of you.
306. Wal-Mart AND McDonald's will refuse to hire you.
307. Your final words will be uttered through broken teeth.
308. Cheap bourbon and disappointment will be your steady diet.
309. Your tormentor is a registered nurse, skilled in inflicting pain.
310. A giggling psycho will throw your mother out a window.
311. They all recognize you by your thousand-yard stare.
312. Your backgammon technique marks you as a former jailbird.
313. All's not right with the world while you're in it.
314. Your employees are plotting to have you arrested and fired.
315. Your unmarked grave will be routinely vandalized.
316. If they gave Value Stamps with rotgut, you could open a warehouse.
317. Broken race-track touts are not entitled to collect unemployment.
318. The crooked sawbones who writes your scripts has been arrested.
319. Every light you see will be a setting sun.
320. Your bogus madhouse act is now becoming all too real.
321. A liquor store clerk will pocket your winning lottery ticket.
322. Pray that you never discover the whole truth.
323. Your enemies will be the smartest people you ever know.
324. Give up. Fifteen Rounds with Kid Destiny and you're through.
325. The whiskey was your only friend but now it's gone.
326. They know you as one who can be trifled with.
327. No matter where you step the ground is shifting.
328. You will continue to torture yourself--it was your fault.
329. Born in the Gutter, you've never lost your taste for it.
330. You've devised 101 ways to escape--all will fail.
331. Your distant past is a wound that will never heal.
332. That hostile barroom brawler is nicknamed Karate Motherfucker.
333. The Police Captain you shot was a short-timer.
334. The Yardbirds shun you--even they deplore your crime.
335. The investigator knows you are an incurable Firebug.
336. Because you refused to bend, you will be broken.
337. Treason is the mildest name for your transgressions.
338. Your identity has been stolen by a corrupt Nigerian.
339. You are falsely listed as ringleader of the Subversives.
340. You are marked for liquidation by a vengeful spymaster.
341. Your most mundane activities are being closely scrutinized.
342. You have mistakenly offended the Man With the Twisted Face.
343. The Police are very interested in your friendship with "Boris".
344. They know you caused the Election Day race riot.
345. They will not even allow you to commit suicide.
346. Racketeers resent your friendship with the new Mayor.
347. You will be sorry until the day you die.
348. Newspaper accounts of bizarre murders hint at your complicity.
349. Your boat will be manned by a skeleton crew--literally.
350. You will be arrested for selling cats as rabbit meat.
351. Surely your current infamy will linger indefinitely.
352. A washed-up comedian will dispense wisecracks at your funeral.
353. You are too weak to work but too sturdy to beg.
354. Burglars will murder your teacup Chihuahua.
355. You cannot sweep it under the rug--don't even try.
356. You will sell your kidney to pay an angry loan shark.
357. Be a man--kill yourself now, before they find you.
358. In your case, the Final Judgment is long overdue.
359. You are even a failure at suicide.
360. Your enemy will steal your mother's corpse.
361. The Big Man's dead certain you're giving him the runaround.
362. Nobody cares or understands.
363. You were, are, and always will be Doomed.
364. Your dead soul squats in a condemned tenement.
365. Honestly? You will never escape your predicament alive.
366. You are in a race against time which you will lose.
367. Your childhood nickname was "Little Mo".
368. You have a well-earned reputation for selfish treachery.
369. Nobody wants you around because you are a needy pest.
370. The drunken quack will botch your plastic surgery.
371. You are certainly a man they love to hate.
372. The cabdriver remembers the address of your hideout.
373. Opportunity will knock--Deadly Opportunity.
374. Nature culls the Stupes, so you're shit out of luck.
375. You didn't want to snitch but you had no choice.
376. They are watching for your face at all the Borders.
377. That small town Sheriff is anything but dumb.
378. Your Last Meal: Hobo Tomato Soup and despair.
379. In Prison you will give birth to a Yenshee Baby.
380. Your prison sentence will set a harsh new precedent.
381. Your best friend will engineer your downfall.
382. No one is willing to take a chance on you.
383. Strange doings at the Old Mill are linked to you.
384. You don't look nice even when you're all cleaned up.
385. They have stolen your identity and you are helpless.
386. Innocent? Perhaps. But guilty of many other things.
387. You are and always will remain a two-bit punk.
388. You hated your mother--no, but you loved her, too.
389. Murder Two? No dice. They know you are a Psycho.
390. You really stepped in dogshit this time, Pally.
391. Rivers of whiskey will never wash away your awful guilt.
392. The first impression you give off? Professional Crumb-Bum.
393. You're so low-down you'd even cheat a starving Hobo.
394. The cops know all about your attic hideaway.
395. Stowaway on a Tramp Steamer? Punishment: Forty Lashes.
396. In the Jingle-Jangle Morning they'll come slaughter you.
397. The Road to Hell is full of scum like you.
398. You were rich before you went nuts and started drinking.
399. The Sheriff knows the alky you sell is pure poison.
400. You blinded your best friend swinging a lit firecracker.
401. Satan has rejected your clumsy animal sacrifices.
402. An alert Copper will spot your homemade dye job.
403. Sacrificial Goat is now your Full-time Profession.
404. Your bogus resume has gone straight into the circular file.
405. Not even a shyster lawyer is anxious to defend you.
406. The neighbors report that you are neglecting your dog.
407. Twenty years of wake-and-bake have left you drooling.
408. Your obsession with Ninjas will get you killed.
409. What's eating at your mind? Everyone knows it's Murder.
410. Only Mother cares, but watch out for her.
411. God's Rule: The Innocent Must Suffer.
412. Critics deplore your recent work as "Tasteless".
413. Your house is constructed on a foundation of sand.
414. Your excuses reek of premeditation.
415. Everything is gone but your painful regrets.
416. It's the Human Condition--but you are barely even Human.
417. Black Muslims don't take kindly to mouthy Skinheads.
418. The Motorcycle Gang knows you are wearing a wire.
419. Dogs bark and shy away at your evil face.
420. Hidden microphones record your jailhouse boasts.
421. You lurk to overhear their slanders, but you never do.
422. Your ancestors are all notorious axe murderers.
423. You can't even pretend you didn't mastermind that job.
424. The Law's Conclusion: Three Generation of Imbeciles Are Enough.
425. Forget It: They are tired of your idiotic lies.
426. Desperation has saturated your ill-fitting clothes.
427. You Poor Fool--of course you can be hypnotized.
428. The FBI resents your gossip about the Director.
429. Cruel men await the chance to do you harm.
430. Paranoia is not your hobby, but a Way of Life.
431. They'll murder you solely for your share of the loot.
432. Mister, Beware--He has walked 500 miles to kill you.
433. Mama never loved you and she never will...now.
434. That sophisticated prostitute will horn in on your racket.
435. The "diet pills" have turned your brains to oatmeal.
436. Ether-soaked rags will be found in your trunk.
437. The darkness you fear most is in your soul.
438. Sins of omission will prove your downfall.
439. She will sweep you from her life like a broken toy.
440. They will list your Cause of Death as "Arrogant Stupidity".
441. Racists hate you, and you're not even Black.
442. Stop your foolish boasting or they'll slap you down.
443. You will grub through restaurant discards like a starving dog.
444. Your bourgeois classmates complacently condemn you.
445. Your criminal companions taught you--but not well enough.
446. Cops claim that cheap slum you peddle is hot merchandise.
447. You will be nearly pecked to death by angry swans.
448. "If Only" just won't cut it, you whining Punk.
449. You will finally step up, only to get beaten down.
450. Self appointed "Reformers" are targeting your enterprises.
451. The Sheriff knows you're only masquerading as a Preacher.
452. Nitro is nothing to monkey around with, Gimpy.
453. "World's Most Famous Carnival Geek"--nobody envies You!
454. They do not get "The New Yorker" in prison.
455. You play like a bookworm and read like an athlete.
456. You will sell your medals for a slug of rotgut.
457. You have just enough time to write your Will.
458. You will finally learn to read and write...in Prison.
459. No Bandleader wants or needs a junkie Percussionist.
460. You will squander your lump sum pay-out in Vegas.
461. The Big Man has no patience for Stupes like you.
462. You swore you'd never go back. You'll break that vow.
463. She is nowhere near as sweet as Tupelo Honey.
464. Jimmy Crack Corn--the Mob DOES care.
465. You will become familiar with the smell of hot lead.
466. The truth will certainly never set YOU free.
467. They'll get you in the end--literally.
468. They know it was a frame-up, but they just don't care.
469. Your friendly pusher has tripled the price of your fix.
470. Poor Fool: One question has been answered; dozens yet remain.

[dimenno]

471. From Day One your lousy attitude has held you back.
472. Nothing can make it right, though money will be accepted.
473. The marriage wasn't legal--you inherit nothing.
474. Pimp? Sucker, you're not even a pimple on a pimp's ass.
475. Maybe another beating will penetrate your thick skull.
476. Never let 'em see you sweat--too late for you, Fatty.
477. New obstacles await, each more deadly than the last.
478. You will sabotage society, one day at a time.
479. You will fry, but for the murder you DIDN'T commit.
480. You loved her. Didn't you? Loved her...to death.
481. The Big Man's cold dead eyes promise dire consequences.
482. Remember: It's Lonely at the Top. And Deadly.
483. The Consigliore strongly recommends your early death.
484. Listen, Jailbird--You've got nothing coming to you.
485. Dreams die hard. You will die even harder.
486. Once your father dies, nobody will defend you.
487. You'll remain a stranger in this world...and the next.
488. You will live--and die--by betting on the Ponies.
489. A hard-luck two-timing Dame will suck you in.
490. They will find you cutting out paper dolls in Stir.
491. They will break every one of your itchy trigger fingers.
492. She hated her Slob Husband; she'll learn to hate You.
493. Every one of your hunches will be spectacularly wrong.
494. If you gotta tell 'em who you are, then you ain't.
495. Your "Doctor" thinks the world is 6,000 years old.
496. Black Despair is not through with you just yet.
497. You should have changed all your passwords--too late now.
498. Nonexistent sirens will haunt your sleepless nights.
499. First you'll see Red and then you'll see Black--Forever.
500. It's always Darkness, standing before the Don.
501. They are never going to stop kicking your dog around.
502. Famed for reliability. No. They call you a "real liability".
503. Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms; not only a Bureau--your hobbies.
504. Your Heart is made of Stone; your Jaw, of Glass.
505. Haven't you heard the news? You're all washed up.
506. The hangovers never used to be that bad before.
507. You learned, too late, that things are different in The South.
508. Don't try to do the thinking--it doesn't suit you.
509. Your life has been a Carnival--a Carnival of Crime.
510. Nobody's fooled--everybody knows your name and your alias.
511. They will hunt you like the rabid dog you are.
512. You're the biggest drunk in town--and it's a big town.
513. Someday you will pay and that someday is right now.
514. You're impossible to kill but they will find a way.
515. You are never lonely, for you are surrounded by enemies.
516. Midgets are good luck, until they shoot you.
517. She is nothing like the Little Girl you once knew.
518. Big mistake--referring to The Don as "Fatso".
519. No more Sex Kittens for you--only the sad Cat Lady.
520. Like Jesus, you will die for someone else's sins.
521. Eating this Fortune Cookie ensures a lifetime of misfortune.
522. Even the Psychotics whisper that you are completely insane.
523. Are you really Paranoid? Only They know for sure.
524. Listen, Hillbilly--Leave the musket. Take the pork rinds.
525. He who laughs last will be the first to die.
526. Your craven drunken partner does not got your back.
527. You are World Class all right--a World Class Chump.
528. Even the indulgent priest will never absolve you.
529. She's either started smoking cheap cigars--or there's another man.
530. Coward! You left your Men behind, to die in Tiger Cages.
531. The Early Bird gets helplessly swept up in the Dragnet.
532. Even your most educated guesses are illiterate.
533. Nobody gets fat by standing in the Big Man's limelight.
534. Only change the Dame and the tale will be told of you.
535. You always said you wanted nothing, and now you got it.
536. Hunchbacks are lucky; all YOUR hunches have been dead wrong.

[dimenno]

537. You've gone straight--why must they drag you back in?
538. Take only the clothes on your back and flee town--now.
539. They can easily prove your story is nothing but lies.
540. Poor Fool. You were so sure you could outsmart The Brain.
541. Your dog will accidentally maul the Boss's youngest son.
542. This isn't over--they aren't through with you yet.
543. They're not afraid of you and they will kick your ass.
544. They'll find you long before you manage to find them.
545. They thoroughly discussed you. You thoroughly disgust them.
546. You're acting like a dizzy sap over that two-timing Dame.
547. You'll never breathe easy until all the witnesses are dead.
548. Chase her all you want--catch her, and you'll be sorry.
549. They'll call you 'Chuckles' because you never smile.
550. You'll forever think the Fuzz are breathing down your neck.
551. You'll beg for cheap liquor in a bar you once owned.
552. All men love the darkness, for their deeds are evil.
553. You will soon see even more of the world's backside.
554. Very few people can match your callow, vain stupidity.
555. It's a GOOD Sterno; it's not a GREAT Sterno.
556. Your apartment smells like cat piss; you don't own a cat.
557. You had better change your mind; it's full of shit.
558. A million men and a million dollars can never be defeated.
559. Didn't you even know enough to get out of their way?
560. You have lit the firecracker at both ends.
561. Hatred of you shall unite all feuding clans.
562. Your long nightmare is only just beginning.
563. When elephants dance, the dwarves must die.
564. At the Laughing Academy a padded room awaits you.
565. They tolerate your cowardly fear; it is fun to watch.
566. The strangers watch your house for a very good reason.
567. The Boss once found you entertaining; you bore him now.
568. No excuse can possibly explain your sinister behavior.
569. Your troubles will never end; not even in the grave.
570. You will never be permitted to atone for your sins.
571. You won't know what you are until you lose it.
572. People are much happier when you're not around.
573. You will never be allowed to eat solid food again.
574. You will die a million deaths, and yet live.
575. It is far from over. It will never truly be over.
576. A daily apple keeps away doctors--not policemen.
577. Justice will always be a luxury you can never afford.
578. None of the gossip about you can be refuted.
579. Enjoy your day; it may well be your last.
580. You are too experienced to ever be optimistic again.
581. Your marriage is made in Heaven but lived in Hell.
582. The explanation is a simple one: They all lied.
583. Survivor's Guilt? You are fooling absolutely nobody.
584. You are far more spinned against than spinning.
585. Destiny whistles through your hollow existence.
586. Your wife will always put her business before your pleasure.
587. You are wearing a mask which will eat your soul.
588. A hand which you know not shall lay you dead.
589. You know everything, and yet you can do nothing.
590. What are your saving yourself for? You die tomorrow.
591. You're living on borrowed time; now they want it back.
592. You are wise to run away, but not THAT way.
593. The man with the gun is looking strangely at you.
594. Bums will ask you for directions to the homeless shelter.
595. Magical Thinking? Magical Lack of Thinking will do you in.
596. The small, still voice inside you says you must die.
597. They'll call you the cutest serial killer on Death Row.
598. She's a smart cookie--too smart for your own good.
599. You have the virtue of being consistent--consistently troubled.
600. Dignity and self-respect are words you never heard of.
601. You are aptly modest about your past, which is best forgotten.
602. Everyone's got a story, Pal--but yours is done.
603. Tomorrow is another day--of mindless terror.
604. Your excuses are not only half-baked but completely baked.
605. They very much care whether you live or, preferably, die.
606. Your punishment will be cruel but by no means unusual.
607. There will be a technicality, but you still won't get off.
608. Nothing personal? Forget it. All of it is personal.
609. They will laugh at your "conspiracy," for They created it.
610. You will find the Southerners friendly; even their Lynch Mobs.
611. You were born to be King--King of Nowhere.
612. The drugs are becoming more than a simple hobby.
613. They call the man you borrowed money from "The Butcher".
614. Your ears are burning--because your head's on fire.
615. Your beloved college professor is a CIA recruiter.
616. In thirty thousand days, not one moment of justice.
617. That man who calls you "brother" just murdered his.
618. You are a senior citizen of the Land of Broken Promises.
619. You will drown in the deep waters of your wounded pride.
620. For you a good beginning is only half the bottle.
621. Laughter is not the best medicine, but Slaughter.
622. You will be forced to make a virtue of Nasty.
623. Rats like you DESERVE a sinking ship.
624. Everybody else always ruins it for a few assholes--like you.
625. The world will always say Yes--to your punishment.
626. Your life is the fruit of your own undoing.
627. Those who ever done you dirt will escape all punishment.
628. You're too outspoken about The Problem--now you're The Problem.
629. Everywhere you go will be the prison you left behind.
630. You are prey to the delusion that you are not deluded.
631. You will ride your grand illusions to their gruesome finale.
632. Pray they'll be merciful, and kill you in your sleep.

[dimenno]

633. Every little breeze seems to whisper "revenge".
634. You thought t'was all in fun--"pop" goes the Uzi.
635. You will never be avenged against your enemies.
636. Not one of your "old friends" will agree to hide you.
637. Your repentance is judged insincere--there will be no Pardon.
638. Man is Wolf to Man--and you're a sickly little Mouse.
639. You have disgraced your people so they will banish you.
640. Your slain kinfolk will cry in vain for justice.
641. You'll accidentally shoot that kid who was on your lawn.
642. Your false accusers are forever secure in their evil slanders.
643. Those you have made rich shall abandon you and laugh.
644. You'll be the #1 Fall Guy in the City Hall Scandal.
645. You'll very soon be in love with easeful death.
646. Once powerful, you'll be dispossessed and made wretched.
647. You'll become the silenced victim of ambitious intrigues.
648. Once you were the Boss's favorite--now your name is Mud.
649. You'll never again raise your crippled hand against The Master.
650. You are in thrall to Error and shall never understand.
651. From your depraved lips even the word "love" sounds vile.
652. Even your fabled eloquence will prove woefully inadequate.
653. All dames are bad news but yours takes the cake.
654. Your relatives will haggle over Grandmama's possessions.
655. Fear of hereditary insanity will drive you mad.
656. You will sacrifice your life for an indifferent State.
657. New riches bring evil; jealous friends now hate you.
658. God Bless your Day; your Nights belong to The Devil.
659. Your loving wife will throw you over for a two-bit Gigolo.
660. Your pampered mistress? On the side, she's turning Tricks.
661. Hellion--the neighbors feel very sorry for your Mother.
662. Your budget tax preparer has made a massive error.
663. Your check bounced--soon The Boys will see if you can.
664. You'll never explain those motel receipts to your bitter wife.
665. Your new "business partners" will make impossible demands.
666. They wonder what the Devil's got into you--literally.
667. Your oldest son will inherit only your murderous rages.
668. Your false values will lead to your inevitable ruin.
669. You will sell your Grandma's dentures just to buy a fix.
670. Surprise! Your new Romance is actually...a Bromance.
671. Your first grandchild is the spitting image of Mussolini.
672. Even your imaginary friend has turned against you.
673. You have nightmares of never being able to sleep again.
674. Your oldest friend has mysteriously died...and you're next.
675. Your rival has lavishly bribed the entire police force.
676. She says "A ring, or else"--so you wring her neck.
677. You will look into a mirror and see the face of Jesus.
678. Your young wife's handsome "visiting cousin" is no kin to her.
679. You're a dead ringer for police sketches of the serial killer.
680. Your devout wife will find your treasure trove of ladies' undies.
681. Your most characteristic trait is the one they despise the most.
682. You'll discover Hell is not "other people"--Hell is You.
683. The next song you hear will be a Murder Rap.
684. You gave your brother a kidney--now he won't return your calls.
685. You will be told you have a purty mouth.
686. You will never even make it in the Small City.
687. The Feds will discover your self-incriminating secret journal.
688. The Detective will catch you in a big fat lie.
689. Your squeaking, squawking inside voices will never stop.
690. You think you're giving them the runaround; they're playing you.
691. Police notice your calm demeanor at your wife's funeral.
692. You'll lose 100 pounds--on a bread and water diet.
693. The Warden has decided you're an incorrigible troublemaker.
694. Grandma will leave her vast fortune to her 28 cats.
695. Your neighbor spies upon you for the police.
696. That janitor job is suddenly looking very attractive.
697. The Police have a warrant to search your basement.
698. The Attorney General will investigate your bogus charity.
699. The neighbor's wind chimes sound like they're saying "murderer".
700. The Secret Service seriously believes your crazy drunken threats.
701. The world doesn't stop for an investigation. But yours does.
702. Your friends are like one big family--the Manson family.
703. The innocent must also suffer, starting with you.
704. Problem? Simply ask yourself--What Would Satan Do?
705. You are not a "boulevardier" but merely a filthy-minded creep.
706. Your High School guidance counselor was a junkie, like you.
707. Everyone can hear you scream; nobody gives a damn.
708. Spanish is the loving tongue; yours is the lying tongue.
709. Curb your paranoia or something terrible will happen.
710. Soon the FBI will subpoena your library records.
711. You are condemned to ceaselessly lament the unchangeable past.
712. You are the reincarnation of a filthy Egyptian slave.
713. You will waste your remaining existence tilting at windmills.
714. You're a disease for which the police have found a cure.
715. Your schizophrenia proves Two can live as cheaply as One.
716. Their appeals to reason are merely a prelude to thuggery.
717. Everything you do falls under the heading 'Stupid Alcoholic Tricks'.
718. You're God's little joke--and he has billions of them.
719. You are not only literally, but figuratively, a Garbage Man.
720. Your life has been a slaughterhouse of moral integrity.
721. Now that you mention it, No, You Haven't Suffered Enough.
722. You've nothing to write home about--because you're Nothing.
723. The black helicopters ARE following you--just for fun.
724. When they call you 'Sir', what they really mean is 'Fatso'.
725. Your life: You Broke It; Now You Pay For It.
726. They can see right through your insincere politeness.
727. You have nothing on your mind--what's left of it.
728. God DOES make trash, and you're the living proof.
729. You are a slave to errors you will never escape.
730. They will discuss your humiliation until the end of time.
731. Your strong pimp hand will soon be paralyzed.
732. You will step up and be beat down for all eternity.

[dimenno]

733. Growing opium poppies on your property was a big mistake.
734. Don't bother saving for retirement--you won't live that long.
735. You showed your secret hideout to the wrong "friends".
736. That innocent-looking hotel bellboy is a baby-faced detective.
737. You'll finally finish that ship in the bottle--in jail.
738. You'll fight molestation charges until you begin to doubt yourself.
739. That jewelry you stole from Grandma is mostly paste.
740. They will discover human remains near your vacation home.
741. You just couldn't turn down that little snort of heroin.
742. Your new prison pen pal, "Cindy," is a man.
743. Those strange flashing lights are not UFOs, but policemen.
744. They hate you for being Jewish, even though you're not.
745. You'll have your first vacation in five years--in jail.
746. Your boss will search your desk and find planted narcotics.
747. That swampland you sold for pennies will gush oil.
748. Your new gun moll belongs to a sinister cult.
749. Local children terrorize your son--but he's 30 years old.
750. Your spurned secretary is spreading evil rumors about you.
751. The Big Boss is not amused by your candid jokes.
752. Police know you're the last one who saw the missing girl.
753. Your stolen car alarm was worth far more than your car.
754. Your neighbor shoots at life-size targets which resemble you.
755. The Feds will investigate your so-called "modeling agency".
756. Anonymous emails accuse you of hideous crimes.
757. You'll beg them for your life, then you'll wish you hadn't.
758. People will find your broken face offensive.
759. You found out new photocopiers are rigged to detect counterfeiting.
760. They'll arrest you for breaking into your own home.
761. That gun your neighbor's child is pointing is no toy.
762. Your pension plan--dusty cases of empty soda bottles.
763. Your neighbor's meth lab is killing all the songbirds.
764. You have the heart of a small boy--the police arrest you.
765. That dark tavern you frequent isn't nearly dark enough.
766. You hated leaving her arms, so you cut them off.
767. Investigative reporters will rummage through your garbage.
768. One of your personalities will rat out all the other ones.
769. Clever Hobos will stumble across your cache of hidden loot.
770. You shouldn't have drunkenly pissed on that policeman.
771. That hitchhiker you'll stop for is a giggling maniac.
772. You shouldn't have listened to that barking dog's lies.
773. The insulted carnival freaks are plotting a ghastly revenge.
774. Everybody in the neighborhood has got it in for you.
775. You are compelled to announce your grandiose plans to passerby.
776. The neighborhood kiddies call you "Uncle Weirdo."
777. Your estranged wife will post your tax returns on the internet.
778. You'll get into a gun battle with a man named 'Deadeye'.
779. Your wife will learn about your other family in Bermuda.
780. They'll never believe your lookalike committed all the crimes.
781. Your brilliant idea is beginning to yield diminishing returns.
782. Even hipsters will jeer at your faded leather jacket.
783. Your hairless child's school was built on contaminated soil.
784. You will fail the drug test--too many poppy-seed rolls.
785. New sword cane? You will stab your own foot.
786. Your drunken antics offend a spiteful county judge.
787. Your youngest daughter's new job? "Erotic massage".
788. Your ex-wife bribes your kids to lie to the police.
789. Health inspectors close down your child's lemonade stand.
790. Your kids learn the facts of life from drunken hobos.
791. Extortion by ethnic gangs will eat up all your profits.
792. That new identity you adopted will soon be exposed.
793. Forget going to the cops--you're already in way too deep.
794. Milestone! Soon you will be wanted in all 50 states.
795. Your teenage son is going to need two high-priced lawyers.
796. Your stolen demo tape's a hit--no credit for you.
797. You'll wake up in a bathtub with a missing kidney.
798. Your new girlfriend is the wrong side of barely legal.
799. The police offered you a deal; the D.A. won't buy it.
800. Your bravado with the loan shark will soon prove fatal.
801. Your pretty young wife hangs out with the Hell's Angels.
802. Someone's paying big money to trash your reputation.
803. Even the pimps all laugh at your garish wardrobe.
804. Everyone makes mistakes--even God, when He made you.
805. You'll have to get back up and keep running--forever.
806. That barfly's hellbent on dragging you right down with her.
807. You beat the murder rap, but everyone knows you're guilty.
808. Only a naive fool like you still believes in "Justice".
809. You even fear the members of your own ethnic group.
810. Cops raid your teen's loud party and find your meth lab.

[dimenno]

811. The shrink knows you're sane but you won't admit it.
812. Your gun collection is stolen; you dare not report it.
813. You have observed man's wickedness and found it good.
814. Your attempts to go legit are undone by sleek mobsters.
815. Police award you a repeat customer cell in the drunk tank.
816. Dump that movie star or you'll lose your other eye.
817. Whiskey, fast dame, faster car, school bus--tragedy.
818. Bring-your-pet-to-work Day doesn't mean "Pit Bull".
819. Your blackmailing therapist is an even bigger crook than you.
820. You will be short-changed at the register--trust me.
821. Don't open that strange unmarked package on your doorstep.
822. Mobsters are sickened by tainted hot dogs at your barbecue.
823. You shouldn't have tried to crash that roadblock in a Yaris.
824. Morbid fear of guns will foil your fledgling holdup man career.
825. You sold a bad batch of acid to a cop's only daughter.
826. The police have rented an apartment across the street from yours.
827. Animal control will confiscate your pet lion.
828. You have failed your test of loyalty to the Don.
829. You will become a lowly geek in a carnival sideshow.
830. You will be overcharged on the bill--trust me.
831. Washing off all the bloodstains? You're not even close.
832. A man of your morbid disposition can never go straight.
833. The bully of the town is out to get your family.
834. Your friends know your war medals were bought in pawnshops.
835. They can and will arrest your crooked great-grandfather.
836. You were born and raised on the wrong side of Wrongtown.
837. Don't worry about your reunion--you're a high school dropout.
838. You'll get stinking drunk and confide all to a hungry snitch.
839. You three-card monte scam goes terribly, terribly wrong.
840. You will be afflicted with heartburn tonight--trust me.
841. Your Best Man runs off with bride and wedding ring.
842. That prostitute your murdered was your long-lost sister.
843. The cops will pin the inside job solely on you.
844. Your bastard son will blackmail you for every penny.
845. The Boss is sure you'll crack under the Third Degree.
846. Your family has zero influence with the District Attorney.
847. Black gangsters now know you run a white power website.
848. Your death by torture is the ailing Don's last request.
849. Prison tats clue the Abbot that his Monastary is your hideout.
850. Soon you'll get a splitting MSG headache--trust me.
851. There's no room to Rhumba in a Gas Chamber.
852. Welcome to Hell. Is it hot enough for you?
853. The hypes all call you "Too Much LSD Man".
854. You're innocent but the cops have orders--Shoot to Kill.
855. You denied a bathroom to the Don's pregnant wife.
856. Took the day off? The Boss will take your skin off.
857. Your cellmate has a new name for you--"Ophelia".
858. Rumor has it you called the Don a Guinea Fuck.
859. They WILL pry your gun from your cold, dead fingers.
860. Your dogs won't starve--they'll feast on your bloated corpse.
861. After they extract the bullets you'll literally be half-assed.
862. Even the Jukes and Kallikaks look down on your kinfolk.
863. You'll die in the gutter with only a lucky penny.
864. Even Charlie Manson wants nothing to do with your problems.
865. You'll tell them you weren't driving--Benny was at the wheel.
866. You are destined to be doomed by your own mania.
867. They will hunt you across the four corners of the earth.
868. You are condemned--because even God hates a loser.
869. Anger lasts a minute. Life imprisonment is forever.
870. The universe is cold, random, and totally out to get you.
871. Vodka, pipe bombs, bad bar coke--a cheap date.
872. The hard cons will laugh and call you "Babycakes".
873. Your life is a dazzling black hole of failure.
874. The hiring committee hated your bad attitude, so you killed them.
875. You've vowed to kill all communists, starting with the Police Chief.
876. Listen, Punchy--your entire life has been one long blood sport.
877. Those aren't hobos, they're zombies--and you must die.
878. Beg them on your knees and they still won't respect you.
879. They can always count on you--to play the fool.
880. Like a broken computer they will system error delete you.
881. The fix is in, only They forgot to tell you.
882. You started out wrong and then you made some bad choices.
883. You are King, but your Kingdom is The Land of Failure.
884. Even rivers of booze won't erase your terrible memories.
885. You ask yourself, 'Is it me?' Yes. yes it is.
886. Your life was a machine to make a psychopath.
887. You are on the cutting edge of dysfunction.
888. Your self-awareness condemns you to eternally apologize.
889. Ultimately you have nothing. None of it belongs to you.
890. All that remains for you is to live in the long-ago past.
891. You are already beginning to pay for future mistakes.

[dimenno]

892. Shadows all around you, and shadows within the shadows.
893. You've gone down way too far to come back up again.
894. You thought you were going to set the world on fire.
895. Whatever happened to the Good Old Days? Whatever happened to You?
896. You will never rise above your station--don't even try.
897. You can't rescue her--you can't even save yourself.
898. Your execution will give your family some much-needed closure.
899. If only the traffic cop hadn't spotted the loaded gun....
900. You will never escape the Prison. The Prison is You.
901. You are being relentlessly tracked by a cold-blooded killer.
902. You may not believe it, but you are God's worst enemy.
903. Your vanity will ironically result in hideous disfigurement.
904. The man you've been following will turn around and kill you.
905. Your court-appointed psychiatrist is even more insane than you.
906. You can't handle the truth. You can't even handle lies.
907. If you weren't completely corrupt, you'd be nothing at all.
908. You live at the intersection of Homicide Street and Murder Alley.
909. Your crime partner has escaped jail and seeks revenge.
910. Your new wife allows strange men to buy her gifts.
911. Your life's a dead end street; you cannot turn around.
912. Your existence is a circle that adds up to zero.
913. You've committed no crime; but your life is a crime.
915.You eat their anger and excrete pure hatred.
916.Fool--you're practically telling them where to stick the knife.
917. You spent your whole life. Payoff--a big fat goose egg.
918. Nothing burns in you but a cold hard flame of emptiness.
919. You're no longer in the picture--but you never were.
920. They see nothing in your eyes because your soul is dead.
921. The path is full of enormous bumps--you feel every one.
922. You've a long walk ahead of you. Better walk faster. Run!
923.If you fall, nobody, but nobody, will pick you back up.
924. Your mother will be reduced to working in a Waffle House.
925. They are through with plotting revenge; they are ready to act.
926. That sinking feeling will continue for the rest of your life.
927. How can you escape when you can't even move?
928. The system works. It just doesn't work for you.
929. Your sole happiness consists in enduring a miserable existence.
930. You didn't start the fire--nor can you put it out.
931. Once you're out of the picture, the facts will add up.
932. Prosperity is around the corner but you're in a dead end.
933. You're a tough nut, but you're up against The Nutcracker.
934. Santa never came to your house--wrong neighborhood.
935. You think they're on your side. they never were.
936. Your own brother sold you out--for a bottle of rotgut.
937. You don't care about yourself--They'll take care of you.
938. Every double-crosser in town knows you're in it, deep.
939. You are a never-wuzzer with delusions of has-been.
940. Every cheap dame around has told you to Amscray.
941. They'll steal your inventions, then sue you for plagiarism.
942. That Barmaid with the Panther Eyes has her hooks in deep.
943. You're a champion swimmer when you dive into that bottle.
944. They all know you're very busy--busy with them reefers.
945. You pushed her away without meaning to. She's gone forever.
946. The competition you must eliminate had the same idea--first.
947. Your mind is racing--but it isn't built for speed.
948. You hate their so-called "lies"--but they're telling the truth.
949. She had a heart of Gold. Now she's full of Lead.
950. You hocked your wedding ring. Pusher sold you baby laxative.
951. You're a sucker--there's no percentage in wising you up.
952. You drove the getaway car--all the way to Argentina.
953. Dirty cops, flirty dames, bloody money, cold stiffs, tommy guns--death.
954. Some rob you with a shotgun; some with an even bigger shotgun.
955.No one is innocent--least of all, you.
956. Your love is not unique--it isn't even love.
957. You are headed, not for the top, but right back to the bottom.
958. You're a dead man, Jim--even if you don't know it yet.
959. It's too late to change--nobody cures a fried egg.
960. While the sun shines the moon plots your downfall.
961. They DID kill the Umpire--and you're next, Sucker.
962. You shouldn't have gotten involved--now there's no way out.
963. Your wife's jealous ex-boyfriend is known as "Psycho".

[BoztownFuzz]

964. you will be hated for no other reason than being born
965. your skin is covered by bacteria that will kill you if allowed under your skin
966. the outcome of the election you are so passionately invested in will change nothing
967. if you have more than two children at least one of them will die before adolescence
968. akbar and jeff will laugh at you
969. don't worry, by the time you and your little buddies drop out of high school we'll have your prison cells built and ready to go.

This post has been edited by BoztownFuzz: May 6 2012, 10:16 PM

[dimenno]

914. Thirty years of hate kept you warm; trouble is all you know.
964. You will be hated for no other reason than being born.
965. Your compromise will permanently embitter both parties.

This post has been edited by dimenno: May 6 2012, 10:54 PM

[BoztownFuzz]

1001. Pish posh I was having a nosh long about a sbarro in Maine
1002. Lay back and enjoy your decline in to diptherium
1003. You a a feckless speckle of sparkle and hurt boners

[dimenno]

966. You "don't believe in winners and losers"? You lose.
967. You don't sweat much--for a guilty man.
968. Many more killers will be closing in real soon.
969. Tomorrow is another day--but you won't live to see it.
970. They don't even care enough to end your misery.
971. Thirteen? Nowadays all numbers are unlucky for you.
972. The Champ is very jealous of your pretty face.
973. Once an acid casualty--soon you'll be a real one.
974. "Avid fan of heroin" is not a compliment.
975. The only happy people you ever see are on television.
976. Your murderous psychosis is actually the least of your problems.
977. Women look into your eyes and see only a dead man.
978. Slob--your wife convinces a hungry drifter to murder you.
979. You're not one of God's Children, but the Devil's Bastard.
980. God is dead--and very soon you will also die.
981. Police say your murder technique is trite and derivative.
982. The truth won't set you free--you'll get the Chair.
983. God never helped you before, and He's forgotten you now.
984. You'll leave it all behind--but there's nothing ahead for you.
985. They taught you to be bad, but not strong.
986. You think you've seen everything, but you've seen nothing.
987. Impossible for you to go crazy--you were born that way.
988. Your story might have been happy but for blind chance.
989. 100 little things that didn't matter; one big thing fatally left undone.
990. It's the last inning of your life. Score: 0-0.
991. You'll hand it all over, but they'll kill you anyway.
992. You really are a damned fool--you understand nothing.
993. You're an evil influence on all your so-called friends.
994. Involuntary manslaughter? Nothing doing. You're going to fry.
995. Over your dead body? What will be, will be.
996. Keep a stiff upper lip--they'll destroy the lower one.
997. All humanity has declared total war on you alone.
998. It's not the end of the world--just your world.
999. There's always a bright side--until they blind you.
1000. She kicked you in the heart--and broke her leg.
1001. It's your moment in the sun--and you'll get burned.
1002. You act as if there's no tomorrow--and there isn't.
1003. You'll stake your life on it--and you'll lose that bet.
1004. They'll lock up the key--and throw you away.
1005. You are a gold mine of information--Fool's Gold.
1006. You can't put your finger on it--They broke them all.
1007. You can't win them all--but you can lose them all.
1008. It's too late to keep a civil tongue in YOUR head.
1009. They'll roll out a red carpet--soaked in your blood.
1010. Two heads are better than one, except in your satchel.
1011. Very soon you'll literally be tickled to death.
1012. The cat's got your tongue--and very soon, the rest of you.
1013. A chip on your shoulder--a monkey on your back.
1014. Your American Dream is now three hots and a cot.
1015. They have crossed out your name in the family Bible.
1016. You are old and in the way--but not for long.
1017. You have nothing to lose--you are already half dead.
1018. If you weren't perpetually angry you'd feel nothing at all.
1019. It's a long way to be happy--you haven't even started.
1020. The suspense isn't the only thing that's killing you.
1021. You will be killed on the very day the conflict ends.
1022. They won't even put pennies on your cold dead eyes.
1023. Very few know your pain and fewer still would even care.
1024. They'll arrest you from stealing pennies from a public fountain.
1025. The policeman decides he must seriously chastise you.
1026. Your body is willing, but your mind is in the way.
1027. She's a two-timing tramp; you're the last one to know.
1028. Even in the quietest moments they are plotting your downfall.
1029. They will stick a fork in you until you're completely done.
1030. Poker face? Not for long. They're warming up a hot poker.

[dimenno]

1031. You are anything but family friendly.
1032. You proudly bear the flag of hectic mania.
1033. Your enemy is everywhere at once, for it is anyone.
1034. You brag about yourself as though you matter. You don't.
1035. You have yet to realize the world is cold and harsh.
1036. You're curiously blind to the duplicity of your "benefactors".
1037. You are a hopeless dust mite swept up in The Process.
1038. Your comforting illusions will be serially destroyed.
1039. Excuses? The Big Boss has no time for excuses.
1040. It won't do any good, but pray. Pray as hard as you can.
1041. You're like fat-free cream--thick, but not rich.
1042. Your low motives are exceeded by your nonexistent morals.
1043. You may worship God--but He doesn't much like you.
1044. You got it backwards--the Boss asks the questions. You listen.
1045. The old folks say that you were Born to Hang.
1046. The odds have already beaten you--a long time ago.
1047. The Universe teems with life which plots your demise.
1048. Normal people wish you'd get out of their way.
1049. You have a real knack for making people nervous.
1050. People like you only survive by pretending to be stupid.
1051. Idiots have loud voices--yours is the loudest of all.
1052. It's you against the world; you're punching above your weight.
1053. The Wheel of Life is ready to crush you flat.
1054. The Devil says he's a big fan of your recent work.
1055. You're too dumb to grift and too weak for the Heavy Rackets.
1056. Where is Riddle? Who is Ransom? The world may never know.
1057. You're down to nothing... and you deserve even less.
1058. Everywhere you go you spread a contagious psychosis.
1059. You're a hit and run victim--only you ran over yourself.
1060. You will become an unsuccessful beggar in a Mexican border town.
1061. Comeback? First minute of Round One your chin will kiss the mat.
1062. Your friends are wild animals who will devour you. Run!
1063. Even the mosquitoes are repelled by your funky aroma.
1064. You're guilty as hell. It's written all over your face. Literally.
1065. You've been blacklisted, Chump. Better light out for the Territory.
1066. No medicine will cure the bite of that two-timing dame.
1067. All your High School friends know where you are--in jail.
1068. Do nothing, be nothing, and get it over with.
1069. You are well known for throwing gasoline onto fires. Literally.
1070. You will find neither Fame nor Fortune, but Famine.
1071. You love the spotlight because you fear your own shadow.
1072. Secretary? Lookee--no touchee. She belongs to the Big Man.
1073. Jealousy, greed and lust--and those are your good qualities.
1074. Inspiring your every action is a dead man's soul.
1075. You will drown in a river of your own tears.
1076. You'll go to sleep dreaming and wake up screaming.
1077. Stay, Go--All the same. Nothing matters. No way out.
1078. You'll only find yourself at the moment of your death.
1079. You have thrown your life into a soundless well.
1080. You are an animal. And you know what they do to animals.
1081. You weren't made for these times--or for any others.
1082. Your mind's an empty vessel on a dying sea.
1083. Stop your blubbering, Lard--they will have absolutely no mercy.
1084. She thought you were a man--you are only a boy.
1085. It's no wonder you love money, for you have none.
1086. You will deeply offend a man who has frightening tattoos.
1087. Even the Devil doesn't want a soul like yours.
1088. You're not a man for all seasons but for all treasons.
1089. Some animals actually live quite well--until the axe falls.
1090. Only one man could exonerate you--and you killed him.
1091. You don't give a damn--and now you are damned.
1092. You live in the House of Murder--rent is overdue.
1093. Everyone knows that all of your motives are wicked.
1094. You'll live on canned spaghetti and Muscatel in a welfare hotel.
1095. Not one of your grandiose schemes will ever bear fruit.
1096. She'll treat you to dinner then announce she's dumping you.
1097. You think you're insanely talented. You got the first part right.
1098. Love's hard to come by; hatred's two for a penny.
1099. Nobody'll look you in the eye--not even the one good one.
1100. It's your life. Dive in. There's no bottom.
1101. She treated you like a dog. But...you are a dog.
1102. It's not over until it's over. Guess what? It's over.

[dimenno]

1103. You are lost on a wild sea of adult pain.
1104. The evidence needed for your alibi has been lost forever.
1105. The Big Man will reward all his henchmen--except you.
1106. Listen, creep--blow town. You're all washed up around here.

[dimenno]

1107. You will go kicking and screaming into that good night.
1108. You think you're the Big Cheese--but you're just another rat.
1109. They look in your eyes and see a corpse.
1110. You don't get a pass this time--you stink of failure.
‎1111. Fool! You interfere at the peril of your own life.
1112. No shelter from the storm of the Big Man's wrath.
1113. Every hope you cling to will become another trap.
1114. Wallow in comforting lies. The truth will get you nowhere.
1115. You're a poisonous spider. Fortunately, your web is very small.
1116. You are a small boy's idea of a Big Shot.
1117. Final reel of your movie: death of an old con.
1118. You'll be the guest of honor at the Hangman's Ball.
1119. You relish your despair because you live to fail.
1120. A whorehouse was your kindergarten; your high school was jail.
1121. Your lonely heart beats rapidly while everything dissolves.
1122. You wander through life half alive, but mostly dead.
1123. You're not Jesus; you're one of the Romans. A weakling.
1124. The world's full of liars, but you're lying to yourself.
1125. You swore Eternal Fidelity--in a City of Broken Vows.
1126. Take care of yourself; get plenty of rest. You'll need it.
1127. Your power is your prison; your secret is your weakness.
1128. Your every wish fulfilled becomes a future nightmare.
1129. You're an old-fashioned relic of a shattered regime.
1130. Anything is possible; only your ship is never coming in.
1131. By living only to fail you fail to live.

[dimenno]

1132. You are anxious about lost innocence you never had.
1133. Your education only taught you to accept your own undoing.
1134. Your free will is paradoxically your tyrant.
1135. Jealous barber, throat slash, basement grave, nosy coppers, hot seat.
1136. Her smile is killing you. Literally.
1137. Sinner, beware! Acts of God are closer than they appear.

[dimenno]

1138. Your lazy self pity will be shattered by hard reality.
1139. You are nothing but a donkey with a hard mouth.
1140. That's all there is and there ain't no more.

This post has been edited by dimenno: Oct 26 2012, 04:21 PM