Good hookup stories Options

[coughlin]

Isn't it great that you, Jones and Dookie told a good amount of the stories and you guys are married with babies. Man you're wives just married into creep central.

i don't know these folks, but as stated with the heroin girl story, some people DO change & settle down.
that's like saying if you marry a once-promiscuous woman, you just married into pig-central.
i mean, fair's fair.

[vivian.pickles]

A father's one job is to keep his daughter off the pole.

What a great bumpersticker!

[Mister Shhh]

i don't know these folks, but as stated with the heroin girl story, some people DO change & settle down.
that's like saying if you marry a once-promiscuous woman, you just married into pig-central.
i mean, fair's fair.

My post was sarcasm.

[just_chris]

I'd like to take a time-out to publicly thank coughlin for resuscitating this thread back from the dead on MULTIPLE occasions.

On behalf of everyone who's in for the laughs, you owe coughlin a debt of gratitude.

Serial.

[Yesterday]

Nope, but right around the corner. A place called the Buffalo Nickel lounge on Pearl St. It was a cool place open for a few years in the mid 90s and then abruptly closed because the owner blew the place up his nose.

The Continental... best punk midget bartender EVER.

Yeah I think I saw one or two shows at the Nickel lounge - maybe Gigolo Ants. The midget guy at the Cont was badass. He ate at my briefly opened restaurant on Allen At. a couple times.

[Look Sharp!]

i got shitfaced at noonish in a shitty vegas casino hotel (gold spike)
at a scooter rally and started talking to a heavy girl w/ a tounge piercing

about 20 minutes of talking and we go up the elevator to the crappy room that i'm sharing with a guy in my club

i tell her i never had a blowjob w/ a tounge piercing so i ask her and she complies

then we fuck

then we both go back downstars

i dont think anyone noticed

[Mister Shhh]

i got shitfaced at noonish in a shitty vegas casino hotel (gold spike)
at a scooter rally and started talking to a heavy girl w/ a tounge piercing

about 20 minutes of talking and we go up the elevator to the crappy room that i'm sharing with a guy in my club

i tell her i never had a blowjob w/ a tounge piercing so i ask her and she complies

then we fuck

then we both go back downstars

i dont think anyone noticed

WOW WHAT A CREEP!!!!

This post has been edited by Mister Shhh: Sep 15 2008, 02:16 PM

[sixpinelbow]

Yeah I think I saw one or two shows at the Nickel lounge - maybe Gigolo Ants. The midget guy at the Cont was badass. He ate at my briefly opened restaurant on Allen At. a couple times.

What/where was the restaurant?

[woodymq]

The Continental?

I played there!

The Continental... Buffalo punk club equivalent of a "Blow Pig"

[DanPM]

I got this really good looking girls number up at Hampton Beach one time. I call her up and we make plans to hang out at her house - her parents are out of town. She has a friend with her and wants me to bring a friend so I do. We're hanging out drinking and then she takes me to her bedroom. I;m down for some making out but this girl is crazy aggressive. So next thing I know we're boning. Lights on and I'm staring at this great body and she has her head to the side panting. She's clawing my back and its the craziest shit I've ever experienced.

This girl is way more experienced than me it seems because she's talking and saying some of the filthiest things I've ever heard. Sensory overload ... its all too much for me and I'm about to lose it about 3 minutes in. I try the usual tricks to buy some more time. Think about baseball - staring at something in the room. Too late. I'm done.

I'm thinking that I can maybe keep going and she won't notice. About a minute later I'm going to town with a halfway Harry and not fooling this girl at all. The panting stops as well as the clawing and the dirty talk. I roll over with my shame. For the next 30 minutes or so we just layed there and listened to my buddy completely railing the other girl.

[coughlin]

i met this gal last nite at the ritz --- they love me there

[woodymq]

Nope, but right around the corner. A place called the Buffalo Nickel lounge on Pearl St. It was a cool place open for a few years in the mid 90s and then abruptly closed because the owner blew the place up his nose.

Vince: Unfortunately proved that no matter how cool of a guy someone appears to be, you just can't trust a cokehead. It's too bad. I really liked the dude, but he put at least three business partners under with his habit.

[woodymq]

I got this really good looking girls number up at Hampton Beach one time. I call her up and we make plans to hang out at her house - her parents are out of town. She has a friend with her and wants me to bring a friend so I do. We're hanging out drinking and then she takes me to her bedroom. I;m down for some making out but this girl is crazy aggressive. So next thing I know we're boning. Lights on and I'm staring at this great body and she has her head to the side panting. She's clawing my back and its the craziest shit I've ever experienced.

This girl is way more experienced than me it seems because she's talking and saying some of the filthiest things I've ever heard. Sensory overload ... its all too much for me and I'm about to lose it about 3 minutes in. I try the usual tricks to buy some more time. Think about baseball - staring at something in the room. Too late. I'm done.

I'm thinking that I can maybe keep going and she won't notice. About a minute later I'm going to town with a halfway Harry and not fooling this girl at all. The panting stops as well as the clawing and the dirty talk. I roll over with my shame. For the next 30 minutes or so we just layed there and listened to my buddy completely railing the other girl.

That's the saddest story I've ever heard.

[sixpinelbow]

That's the saddest story I've ever heard.

If you're the chick, yes. If you're danPM at least you got to finish.

[DanPM]

If you're the chick, yes. If you're danPM at least you got to finish.

I never got a chance to redeem myself either. Damn 17 year old DanPM!!!!

I shouldn't have gone out with a loaded gun.

[just_chris]

halfway Harry

[Yesterday]

What/where was the restaurant?

It was called the Nocturnal Cafe and was open for at least a few months in the summer of '99. It was on Allen directly across from the Pink. I stopped in (the Pink) for a drink a couple weekends ago while in town and it looks like the old restaurant is empty and for lease now.

I left due to a major falling out between me and my business partner / boss and I have no idea how long he kept it open afterward. I hear he died a couple years ago and left all his businesses (Hardcore Tattoo and a couple others) to some ex girlfriend.

[woodymq]

I never got a chance to redeem myself either. Damn 17 year old DanPM!!!!

I shouldn't have gone out with a loaded gun.

You were 17? Ah... much better than my 17-year-old stories:

They usually ended with me with a load in my pants before I even got her panties off.

This post has been edited by woodymq: Sep 15 2008, 02:39 PM

[Mister Shhh]

halfway Harry

[Ms. JJ Millie]

i dont think anyone noticed

it was that good, huh?

[woodymq]

It was called the Nocturnal Cafe and was open for at least a few months in the summer of '99. It was on Allen directly across from the Pink. I stopped in (the Pink) for a drink a couple weekends ago while in town and it looks like the old restaurant is empty and for lease now.

Did you ever have bands? If so, I think Sixpin and I played an acoustic set there once.

[coughlin]

she's talking and saying some of the filthiest things I've ever heard.

spill it!
(so to speak)

here's one that's not so good.
another personal ad, another lifetime ago.
we meet at uno's in allston.
she gives me a phony name ("raven") that i don't even think might be fake.
i mean, really, does anyone know a "raven"?
who the fuck names their kid "raven"?
i'm such a fucking sap.
so anyway, she's like kind of a witch type, wiccan priestess, blah blah.
and she tells me the most ungodly story from her childhood that i've ever heard.
i won't repeat it, but it's the kinda thing that when it's on the news & gets posted here, there's 17 pages of people gagging on their own dread & calling for the death penalty.

so of course, we bond instantly.
i tend to attract people who blow their life-load on the first date, it's normal to me & i'm not complaining.
she has already assumed she's staying over, and she's right.
she stays for 11 straight days.
i call her from work & we yak for hours.
in bed, we giggle like high-schoolers.
it's the strangest, most compelling connection i've ever made.
(yet)
we go to morgie's to buy her clothes & stuff.
day 12, she has to attend a party she'd commited to, something about bikers, but says she'll come right back.

she does, and promptly gives me the crabs.

fucker.

[Mister Shhh]

I'd like to publicly thank SellinMemmories for being the onle female to post a few stories.

[Evil Eddie C]

spill it!
(so to speak)

here's one that's not so good.
another personal ad, another lifetime ago.
we meet at uno's in allston.
she gives me a phony name ("raven") that i don't even think might be fake.
i mean, really, does anyone know a "raven"?
who the fuck names their kid "raven"?
i'm such a fucking sap.
so anyway, she's like kind of a witch type, wiccan priestess, blah blah.
and she tells me the most ungodly story from her childhood that i've ever heard.
i won't repeat it, but it's the kinda thing that when it's on the news & gets posted here, there's 17 pages of people gagging on their own dread & calling for the death penalty.

so of course, we bond instantly.
i tend to attract people who blow their life-load on the first date, it's normal to me & i'm not complaining.
she has already assumed she's staying over, and she's right.
she stays for 11 straight days.
i call her from work & we yak for hours.
in bed, we giggle like high-schoolers.
it's the strangest, most compelling connection i've ever made.
(yet)
we go to morgie's to buy her clothes & stuff.
day 12, she has to attend a party she'd commited to, something about bikers, but says she'll come right back.

she does, and promptly gives me the crabs.

fucker.

Coughlin, again, primo.

[WTF Jones]

Some of you have heard this before....

(I believe this took place in 1999, I was about 22 or so) It's a Saturday afternoon and the Braves are in town to play the Sox. Greg Maddux is pitching for Atlanta. Head in with a buddy of mine, grab some grandstand tix. Literally in the last row up between home place and the 3rd base bag. Sitting infront of me is this girl. Fucking hot. Dressed like she's going to the Roxy within the half hour. Yeah, it's 1:05 in the afternoon.

Anyway, she's by herself and she's pretty outspoken in terms of her cheering for Atlanta. So of course I have to ask why she's a Braves fan. She tells me that Andruw Jones is her boyfriend. I take a moment to digest this...

You're Andruw Jones girlfriend...
You're sitting in the 2nd-to-last row in Fenway Park...
You're sitting alone, looking the way you do...
And you're Andruw Jones girlfriend...
Ok...

So a couple innings of friendly "who can cheer better for their team?" banter takes place. This is followed by several innings of "how many beers can the three of us drink before the 7th inning stretch?" By that time, I'm just hammered. So is she. During the game she was talking up Andruw Jones like he was a God. So I start lying through my teeth telling her that I went to Arizona State and I played Single A ball until I hurt my shoulder. The best thing about those lies is that there was a row of guys to the other side of me who had tried to get this girl's attention and were kind of pissed that I'd "cornered the market" if you will. So they hear me telling her this crap and they know that I'm full of shit and they're all SCREAMING at us talking about how full of shit I am. This girl just ignores it all as if to elude to the fact that, "You could've told me you were Matt Damon and I'd have believed you and still let you fuck me." Awesome (for me). Meanwhile, my buddy's sitting next to me for a good 6 innings trying not to laugh like the kid from "Back To School" when he's in class sitting next to Marge Sweetwater: "Mr. Thornton Mellon's personal secretary."

So the game's getting to be just about over and we haven't had a drink in an inning or so - my window of inebriation is closing and I need to act fast. As we get up, some lady in mommy jeans gets up and starts yelling at us - the girl in particular. "You're so obnoxious and so trashy. I just want you to know that you RUINED my day today. You're a SLUT!"

Well that set this chick off. Correction: That set this COMPLETELY SHIT-FACED chick off. She gets in mommy jeans' face. It's getting heated. Mommy Jeans PUSHES the chick, who then falls BACKWARDS down the steps at Fenway. Her tube top comes sliding down - much to the enjoyment of Mommy Jeans' two teenage boys. I am a drunken fool and I am laughing uncontrollably. The girl gets up, goes after Mommy Jeans, what does Mommy Jeans do? Yup... She pushes this chick again. This time she goes over a row of chairs. Same result: Boobs-A-Poppin' and peanut shells are everywhere.

The chick gets up, we're now at the very top of the stairs near a hot dog fixings stand. The girl grabs a handful of kraut and smashes Mommy Jeans right in the face with it. AWESOME! So the husband turns around and takes a swing at me. He misses but gets a piece of my sunglasses off my head and they shatter. I'm not interested in fighting because it will just wipe out any chance I have to bone Andruw Jones alleged girlfriend. I grab her hand and we bolt. Thankfully we did because we passed a handful of cops heading that way.

Fast-forward a bit, this girl wants to smoke some weed. No sweat. Only prob is that I don't have any on me. So we have to go get some. We're in the car and the topic of "clit rings" comes up. A favorite topic of mine, btw. So she willingly shows me her piercings. Good pre-cursor for my agenda.

Fast-forward again because the rest is not really all that great....

I got CB'd a little bit through the rest of the day and we were both sobering up. I was going to drop her off at South Station (yes, Andruw Jones' girlfriend was taking the train out of Boston) and chalk this up as a failed initiative. Then we stopped to grab another drink - well "drink" turns into "drinks and we're feeling it all over again. Next think I know, I'm parked near the taxis at South Station absolutely balling out Andruw Jones' girlfriend in the back seat of my car. Right on that little taxi cab runway. Never got busted, no one ever even honked.

And no, I do not believe this was Andruw Jones girlfriend either but fuck, it sure makes the story that much better to think she was.