A Question for the Women o' the Board Options

[Hook Operator]

Suppose you were shopping, or looking around a record store, or going about your business and a moderately attractive (non-ugly) guy approached you and struck up a conversation which ended in him asking you out to coffee or something. Would you ever go for something like that?

What I'm asking is, when I see a cute girl at Target, should I leave her the fuck alone, or should I gather the guts it would take to approach her as such? Recipe for disaster?

[La India Luba]

Suppose you were shopping, or looking around a record store, or going about your business and a moderately attractive (non-ugly) guy approached you and struck up a conversation which ended in him asking you out to coffee or something. Would you ever go for something like that?

What I'm asking is, when I see a cute girl at Target, should I leave her the fuck alone, or should I gather the guts it would take to approach her as such? Recipe for disaster?

Most likely scenario: I'd be so surprised that I'd wind up playing it exceedingly cool and coming off as a bitch, and then would kick myself for it at great length later.

I say, go for it. After all, you've got a golden opportunity in a record store to talk about shared interests - "Hey, I've got their last album, it was awesome! you're going to love this!" etc - and therefore come off as non-creepy and genuinely interested in her as a person and not just a pair of boobies.

[theantichris]

genuinely interested in her as a person and not just a pair of boobies.

*furiously scrbbling this nugget down on a brown paper bag* Important safety tip,Thanks(hoping to remove the often life-saving Led Zepplin 'codpiece' that protects my junk from repeated abuse from furious females)!

[JuJuagogo]

Most likely scenario: I'd be so surprised that I'd wind up playing it exceedingly cool and coming off as a bitch, and then would kick myself for it at great length later.

You're pretty much in my head - I think its more like huh whah? are you hitting on me and it dishevels you for a moment that you're a little confused. I think you gave him good advice.

Recently I was actually in line at Dunkin Donuts and the guy behind me was just chatting it up a little, it was my turn to get my coffee, and before I left, he gave me his card and asked me to call him sometime - I was a little thrown by it and just said uh thanks - have a good day and left. I sat for a moment in the car and a little shocked (I often have to be hit with a brick if someone is interested in me - CLUELESS" - "Did I just get hit on in Dunkin Donuts?" I guess I did! I still have the card sitting on my desk - he was cute too... I'll probably never call him because i'm just as ball less sometimes - but it makes me smile when I look at it Then again, maybe i'll have a gutsy moment.

So - take a chance you never know......

[Hook Operator]

I'm pretty shy & awkward, though - so I'd probably just end up throwing up on the girl or blurting out something really embarrassing. Or, also likely, her boyfriend would walk up as I was attempting to talk to her. But as long as you all don't think I'll get maced right away, I may just try it someday.

[Tantra, Goddess of Flight]

Suppose you were shopping, or looking around a record store, or going about your business and a moderately attractive (non-ugly) guy approached you and struck up a conversation which ended in him asking you out to coffee or something. Would you ever go for something like that?

What I'm asking is, when I see a cute girl at Target, should I leave her the fuck alone, or should I gather the guts it would take to approach her as such? Recipe for disaster?

If I were not married, I would certainly be open to possibilities such as this. I am, and always have been, attracted to men who can hold a conversation about something mutually interesting. I would not find this creepy, if that's what you're asking. Then again, you could not appear to be TRYING to pick up chicks. It has to be, or at least giving the appearance of, being totally random. The beauty is that if you strike up a conversation in a non-threatening environment, you can immediately pick up on clues as to whether or not to proceed further.

[Tantra, Goddess of Flight]

And another thing...a guy struck up a conversation with my brother-in-law's sister in a line at the movie theatre. They've been married for about 7 or 8 years now.

[coughlin]

i'm waiting for the girl to pipe up who thinks, "if i wanted to meet men, i wouldn't be buying records."
maybe i'm cynical (ya think?).
then again, i'm also someone who has never once hit on anyone anywhere (but been picked up), & wouldn't based on looks anyway.
is she was looking at some record / book i was genuinely interested in / knew about, etc., i might say something, but not to pick her up.
i just honestly don't get how that whole game is played, never did.
i would've, & have, had the same conversations w/guys, & i wasn't trying to fuck them either.
glad i could be of such help!

[Wally Cox]

. I am, and always have been, attracted to men who can hold a conversation about something mutually interesting.

My girlfriend just said that she feels it's all based on the conversation in these situations. So, go for it, but don't be a dumbass, cause your time is limited.

[JuJuagogo]

I'm pretty shy & awkward, though - so I'd probably just end up throwing up on the girl or blurting out something really embarrassing. Or, also likely, her boyfriend would walk up as I was attempting to talk to her. But as long as you all don't think I'll get maced right away, I may just try it someday.

You know - as crazy as this sounds - me admitting this - I often do what I call the "stuart smalley affirmations" I talk myself into or out of situations - and in a situation like this - you just have to tell yourself - "whats the worst thats going to happen - she blows me off, calls me a creep" Whoopie doo - chances are good you'll never see her again, and you'll forget about it in days, hours, minutes even Life goes on - we still live after rejection - we've all had a broken heart and survived - a little bit of rejection from a stranger isn't going to impact your life that significantly - and you never know it could turn out better than you ever expected - or just a nice conversation - is that so horrible?

[woof.]

the more you do it, the more comfortable you will become. as luba stated, some will be more or less receptive. be ready to face total rejection, but more importantly don't take it personally, and don't give a shit about it. I'll strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. sometimes when I wish I could think of something to say, I can't, and that's the way it goes. but situational conversations are one of the most normal and natural ways to get conversations started. how often do people talk about the weather?

[JuJuagogo]

the more you do it, the more comfortable you will become. as luba stated, some will be more or less receptive. be ready to face total rejection, but more importantly don't take it personally, and don't give a shit about it. I'll strike up a conversation with anyone, anywhere. sometimes when I wish I could think of something to say, I can't, and that's the way it goes. but situational conversations are one of the most normal and natural ways to get conversations started. how often do people talk about the weather?

I do this all the time - I find it does build my self esteem - but I think its normal when you see someone you're interested in - you tend to become more hesitant or "obtain mental blocks" - I think its human nature, its just getting through that moment.

[Thatcher]

confidence and a sense of humor is the most important thing in picking up a girl

[TYR]

What I'm asking is, when I see a cute girl at Target, should I leave her the fuck alone, or should I gather the guts it would take to approach her as such? Recipe for disaster?

I'm of the frame of mind that unless a woman gives you some sort of signal to go over and talk to her, talking/trying to pick up women you don't know, especially in a setting where there are no mutual friends, etc., is a turnoff, but don't listen to me cause I'm old school about that kind of stuff, and I just had some wine.

[MizValentine]

I can't imagine a scenario where I'd do anything but be polite and try to escape as fast as possible.
Under NO circumstances would I agree to meet you for coffee. Or probably tell you my name.
Sorry dudes, but there's way too many creeps in this world that have ruined this for you.

[sue]

I can't imagine a scenario where I'd do anything but be polite and try to escape as fast as possible.
Under NO circumstances would I agree to meet you for coffee. Or probably tell you my name.
Sorry dudes, but there's way too many creeps in this world that have ruined this for you.

I have to agree with you, 100%. Funny thing is, I would have in a second in my late teens/early 20's. Not so much fear (although that is a factor), more the fact that I'm generally more antisocial than I used to be, and don't generally like being approached at all, unless it's "hi" or someone needing directions. I dunno, if we REALLY got into a good, long conversation, I might be open to it, but not just after a couple minutes of chatter.

[TYR]

I am going over in my head all the dudes I know who I consider to be awesome...and not one of them would approach a woman he didn't know out of the blue hoping to get a name and a number.

This post has been edited by TYR: Mar 14 2008, 11:05 AM

[Ms. JJ Millie]

Suppose you were shopping, or looking around a record store, or going about your business and a moderately attractive (non-ugly) guy approached you and struck up a conversation which ended in him asking you out to coffee or something. Would you ever go for something like that?

What I'm asking is, when I see a cute girl at Target, should I leave her the fuck alone, or should I gather the guts it would take to approach her as such? Recipe for disaster?

i agree that it's what you start the conversation about is what decides the weirdness factor. like, if the girl is in target buying tampons, you might want to leave her alone. but if you're in a record store, it's totally kosher to talk records and then see where that goes.
i think giving someone your card is kind of a non creepy way to say you're interested...but then if someone gave me their card, i'd be like "wow, he must do this all the time"
and jujajjajaj - call the dude, why the hell not? meet up somewhere neutral and public.

[lisalisa]

I'm not really a woman that counts in this as I'm old and married, but I don't think it's a bad thing at all for you to approach her.

If you were to meet for coffee what is the harm? The world is not a safe place but that doesn't seem scary to me at all. If the guy turns out to be creepy we are in a public place.

[MizValentine]

I have to agree with you, 100%. Funny thing is, I would have in a second in my late teens/early 20's. Not so much fear (although that is a factor), more the fact that I'm generally more antisocial than I used to be, and don't generally like being approached at all, unless it's "hi" or someone needing directions. I dunno, if we REALLY got into a good, long conversation, I might be open to it, but not just after a couple minutes of chatter.

Right. A dude that saunters up, drops some lines (funny or not), and then asks me out, seems like a creep or desperate or both. Why would you want to go to coffee with someone you just casually met and know nothing about? I find that odd. I would never want to do that. I mean I find it flattering (because, since a guy in that situation knows nothing about me, he's really paying me a compliment to my looks), but that's it. I'd be gracious but quick to get away.

Now in the record store situation, if you come up, notice what I'm looking at, strike up a conversation about music, and can say something interesting and hold a conversation... I might, MIGHT consider coffee...but probably not. The only thing that makes that sitch a little less creepy is that by being there, we both have a common interest off the bat. What does meeting someone in Target say? "Heeeyy...I see you, too like cheap consumer goods! Wow!"

Of course, this is all moot for me these days anyhoo...

[afinemess]

go for it. unless you have a deep rooted insecurity about rejection.. worse she can say is no...
... but if you never try, you'll never know.

.... when i'm approached by a guy i can figure out in 5 seconds whether or not i would want to go out with him. if he shows a side of tenacity and determination, his chances are pretty good. even a 'moderately attractive' guy can go from so-so to hot if he has a confident swagger.

[Atom Brain]

i agree that it's what you start the conversation about is what decides the weirdness factor. like, if the girl is in target buying tampons, you might want to leave her alone. but if you're in a record store, it's totally kosher to talk records and then see where that goes.
i think giving someone your card is kind of a non creepy way to say you're interested...but then if someone gave me their card, i'd be like "wow, he must do this all the time"
and jujajjajaj - call the dude, why the hell not? meet up somewhere neutral and public.

Not to mention that these days email is a perfectly ok way to get to know people slightly better in between that "chance meeting" and the getting together at a neutral and public place. If the girl has your card and is slightly interested, she can shoot you an email, you can always try to start a back and forth of cleverly written repartee.

[lisalisa]

oh and when I started dating Tom I had to ask him out so whatever, as long as someone makes the first move. If not then no one would date at all.

[Blodwyn]

I've been approached, but as I am married it's kind of a nonissue about what I'd do. I didn't really think about it too much. But I think I would have gone to coffee with a guy that approached me in Barnes & Noble about the books I was looking at. Much less likely in Target. Also, save yourself embarrassment and awkwardness and look for a ring.

[Ms. JJ Millie]

so what if you hit on someone with a ring?
it might make their day
it's not like he's saying "hey ladies of the noiseboard, do you think it'd be okay if i approached a woman and licked the side of her face?"