Adult children of divorced parents...., There is ALWAYS something off about these people. Options

[Danny Vermin]

let me guess, your parents are still together?

Mine are both dead, but they died after 40 years of marriage.

Let me guess, yours aren't?

[Orbitron]

I dunno, this is the whole "nurture or nature" argument. My parents were nuts. Like really nuts. My dad was a serious drinker, slapped my mom around, spent our mortgage and food money on the horses; my mom had some serious mental health issues. Eventually they divorced, after many years of high drama. All of us kids turned out OK. Of the 6 of us who married, 2 divorced, which I think is lower than the average. All of us have jobs, all of us raised good decent kids. And there are plenty of people with two parents who became complete social defectives.


Sure, it's better for the kids to have two loving, socially responsible parents, but it's not a perfect world, and making babies is one of the easiest things in the world to do.

[woof.]

Mine are both dead, but they died after 40 years of marriage.

Let me guess, yours aren't?

nope, they aren't, but you got nothing on me... I'd rather entertain conspiracy theories than be a miserable douche like you any day. I've backed way off on the conspiracies, unlike you, you've been consistently and constantly assy since you arrived.

[Danny Vermin]

nope, they aren't, but you got nothing on me... I'd rather entertain conspiracy theories than be a miserable douche like you any day. I've backed way off on the conspiracies, unlike you, you've been consistently and constantly assy since you arrived.

I dunno. Paranoid conspiracy theorism, whether out in the open or intentionally toned down because of scorn and ridicule, doesn't really sound more well adjusted than run of the mill wisecracking humor being used to kill idle workday moments.

[T-Bone]

Like SMCD said, fucked parents raise fucked kids, divorce isn't the overriding factor.

^ This.

My parents divorced when I was 17. I actually encouraged my mom to do it, since my dad is an asshole. It all worked out pretty awesome for me and my mom.

It actually worked out well for my dad in the long run too, because being a dad was a pain in the ass for him and he didn't really want the responsibility. He also wanted a wife he could boss around or maybe one that could boss him around - still haven't figured it out. He got her, though. They're pretty happy.

My sisters had a bit of a harder time with it, but any issues they have with dudes in general relates directly to having my father as the primary male figure in their life and not the fact that my parents split up.

Oddly enough, while some kids with a shitty parent will turn out like their shitty parent because that's who they had as an example, I think I ended up viewing my father as "what not to do" as a father. Learned from his mistakes, yada, yada... I think I'm also just mentally, emotionally more like my mom, i.e., pretty happy, stable individual.

I also know plenty of people who grew up in homes where there didn't appear to be anything wrong with the parents and they turned out super fucked up. Sometimes people are just born with bad wiring.

[swid]

I don't know a single person well who's not nuts in some way. Everybody who appears completely normal -- once you get to know them, not usually the case. For the record, I say this as someone who's parents are still very happily married for nearly 40 years now.

[Danny Vermin]

I dunno, this is the whole "nurture or nature" argument. My parents were nuts. Like really nuts. My dad was a serious drinker, slapped my mom around, spent our mortgage and food money on the horses; my mom had some serious mental health issues. Eventually they divorced, after many years of high drama. All of us kids turned out OK. Of the 6 of us who married, 2 divorced, which I think is lower than the average. All of us have jobs, all of us raised good decent kids. And there are plenty of people with two parents who became complete social defectives.
Sure, it's better for the kids to have two loving, socially responsible parents, but it's not a perfect world, and making babies is one of the easiest things in the world to do.

This^^

People should do this a lot less. In General, but more importantly when they barely know each other, or there is a history of mental softness or nuttery in the family.

[woof.]

I dunno. Paranoid conspiracy theorism, whether out in the open or intentionally toned down because of scorn and ridicule, doesn't really sound more well adjusted than run of the mill wisecracking humor being used to kill idle workday moments.

whatever dude, I'm hardly paranoid. I suppose knowing someone only through a message board isn't the best gauge of their personality.you think I'm paranoid, I would figure you to be a complete cunt in real life. we're probably both wrong, you're probably only a half an ass in real life, and of course, I'm not paranoid at all.

[TYR]

whatever dude, I'm hardly paranoid. I suppose knowing someone only through a message board isn't the best gauge of their personality.you think I'm paranoid, I would figure you to be a complete cunt in real life. we're probably both wrong, you're probably only a half an ass in real life, and of course, I'm not paranoid at all.

Jeez you two. Just share a giant sub together and get it over with.

[woof.]

^ This.


Oddly enough, while some kids with a shitty parent will turn out like their shitty parent because that's who they had as an example, I think I ended up viewing my father as "what not to do" as a father. Learned from his mistakes, yada, yada... I think I'm also just mentally, emotionally more like my mom, i.e., pretty happy, stable individual.

absolutely. very similar experience here, but I was a complete pissed off asshole throughout most of my twenties.

[woof.]

Jeez you two. Just share a giant sub together and get it over with.

hey, if it worked for me and bob, anything is possible.

[TYR]

hey, if it worked for me and bob, anything is possible.

TMI.

[Danny Vermin]

TMI.

[woof.]

TMI.

I figured he told you everything...

[DanPM]

The most screwed up folks ever are the kids of psychiatrists/psychologists.

my parents are divorced and my mom is a psychologist

oh no!

[sexfighter2]

Sure, it's better for the kids to have two loving, socially responsible parents, but it's not a perfect world, and making babies is one of the easiest things in the world to do.

coming from divorced parents at a very early age, this is what i find to be true.
people are gunna be fucked no matter what.

[DanPM]

My parents were divorced when I was a baby. People seem to think that's very sad but I would think having to deal with something like that as a child or a teenager would be worlds worse.

yeah ... you might've developed a drinking problem if they divorced later

[DotRat]

yeah ... you might've developed a drinking problem if they divorced later

or a truth-telling problem

[DanPM]

This guys parents are still together

[jonah]

I hear that people that went to public school got a different education than a private school offers, imagine that.

I also hear that people who grew up poor didn't go on family vacations in exotic lands.

[Eggplant Semen]

nope, they aren't, but you got nothing on me... I'd rather entertain conspiracy theories than be a miserable douche like you any day. I've backed way off on the conspiracies, unlike you, you've been consistently and constantly assy since you arrived.

I'm not trying to take sides here or nothing, but you are kind of a miserable douche.

[Danny Boy®]

Correct. Politicians kids always seem to be pieces of work. Except for the Romney's of course.

Pols from Quincy alone prove this to be true.

[Mob Hit Greg]

It's not the divorce that fucks a kid up. It's all the shit that happens before the divorce. So it's really a situation of "kids of parents that don't get along" than "kids of divorced parents".

I agree with this comment the most.

What kids learn by watching their parents is vitally important. For example, I used to work for years with kids who witnessed domestic violence. That is some VERY tough stuff to work out of what kids think is right and wrong and what they perceive as "love" or "loving gesture". The damage is intense. Kids are very adept, I have found, in what gains power in a household. Like Smcd said it's what is witnessed.

What I would call to question is how kids who came from divorce view what they consider to be a "healthy relationship" or a "healthy marriage". Also, how they view a new partner for their parent too....it goes on and on...there is so much involved in childhood development.....tough to say that kids having parents that hate each other but "stay together for the kids" are going to be better off than kids whose parents make the break at an early age and then find better relationships down the line.

Tough to measure one way or another in my experience.

[robonthecape]

I watched my father pistol whip my mom when I was 7 years old, and he beat me mercilessly(though I'd rather take a beating than watching my mom). However, I've never come close to hitting my wife, or kid(he's 8 now). That said, there is no way I can say I'm not a bit screwed up living through that period, and I'm not sure it's something someone can simply talk through.

Plenty of women never leave abusive relationships, and they and their kids suffer the scars of various sorts. Others leave, and they not only carry the damage with them, but oftentimes their kids are targets without male guidance. Predators/bullys etc...

On my part, I'm just thankful a cycle is broken.

[tom from out of town]

I don't know a single person well who's not nuts in some way.

me too

that's why I got married