5 Year Old Beat Down Options

[Josh_Suspect]

So is someone here thinking of becoming a kindergarten teacher?

[Bubbles]

don't underestimate a 5 year old.... they can be sneaky.... they'll find a weapon, hit you in a sensitive spot and run like hell..

[T-Bone]

I think the real trick would be keeping them at bay. Once you got about five of them crawling on you, it'd be tough. They could easily gouge your eyes and then you'd be toast. Also, kids have teeth, and they bite - hard! I didn't see any no-biting rules, so if that's the case, like I said, you better keep them at bay. A couple of solid bites and you'd be screaming for mercy.

[Guest]

A friend of mine showed me a thread on another board that posed this question:

How many 5 year-olds could you take in a fight at once?

The specifics:

- You are in an enclosed area, roughly the size of a basketball court. There are no foreign objects.
- You are not allowed to touch a wall.
- When you are knocked unconscious, you lose. When they are all knocked unconscious, they lose. Once a kid is knocked unconscious, that kid is "out."
- I (or someone else intent on seeing to it you fail) get to choose the kids from a pool that is twice the size of your magic number. The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
- The kids receive one day of training from hand-to-hand combat experts who will train them specifically to team up to take down one adult. You will receive one hour of "counter-tactics" training.
- There is no protective padding for any combatant other than the standard-issue cup.
* The kids are motivated enough to not get scared, regardless of the bloodshed. Even the very last one will give it his/her best to take you down.


Okay people.....whadaya got?

That's Mott The Hoople

[Guest]

if the kids have weapons or can pick up things like wood or pipes (in an urban city setting) than I don't think more than 20.

if they have nothing, i would climb to the top of the slide, and kick their pumpkins in, so i would say upwards of 100. this way, they have only two routes to reach me, the ladder and the slide itself.

were there no slides, i would climb on the basketball hoop untill they all passed out from nap time.

this thread is asinine, and i think it's also hilarious and surreal.

[Geektastic Dave]

I think this is my favorite thread ever.

[T-Bone]

if the kids have weapons or can pick up things like wood or pipes (in an urban city setting) than I don't think more than 20.

if they have nothing, i would climb to the top of the slide, and kick their pumpkins in, so i would say upwards of 100.  this way, they have only two routes to reach me, the ladder and the slide itself. 

were there no slides, i would climb on the basketball hoop untill they all passed out from nap time.

this thread is asinine, and i think it's also hilarious and surreal.

I was under the impression that it's a cage-match - nowhere to hide.

[Dookie]

5-yr olds are light. Grab one of them by the ankles ans swing him around. I bet you could take out tons of the little moppets that way.

[JVK]

"Peace Talks" with armed 5 year olds most often lead nowhere. They just are not reasonable and are prepared to be totally and utterly ruthless.

[Geektastic Dave]

what if they are all like the kid from mad max:

[Guest]

Or Newt from the Aliens movie?

They'd be impossible to kill.

[fil]

I'm wondering if you maybe wore a spongbob t-shirt if it would make some of the kids pull their punches......

[Guest]

What the fuck would motivate a grown man to talk about taking on five year old kids? Are you a child abuser or pedophile, or god knows what?

Go do check out a child abuse agency and then come back and talk to us about swinging five year old kids around, sicko.

[Guest]

What the fuck would motivate a grown man to talk about taking on five year old kids?  Are you a child abuser or pedophile, or god knows what?

Go do check out a child abuse agency and then come back and talk to us about swinging five year old kids around, sicko.

have you ever battles an army of 5 year olds? Well, HAVE YOU?

[fil]

What the fuck would motivate a grown man to talk about taking on five year old kids?  Are you a child abuser or pedophile, or god knows what?

Go do check out a child abuse agency and then come back and talk to us about swinging five year old kids around, sicko.

Ok buddy.....when the 5 year olds take over the world this thread will be your survival guide.......

[Geektastic Dave]

Children of the corn is happening here on the noiseboard today.

[Guest]

i think instead of how many.. it should be poised as how long can you go for with countless 5 year olds attacking you.

[Guest]

i think instead of how many.. it should be poised as how long can you go for with countless 5 year olds attacking you.

with that being said, I could go probably for 45 minutes

[Guest]

i think instead of how many.. it should be poised as how long can you go for with countless 5 year olds attacking you.

with that being said, I could go probably for 45 minutes

I have been talking about this in the office..
They think I couldn't go that long.
Most people say between 1 and 5 minutes, with most answers no longer than 3 minutes.

I am still intrigued by this.

[Guest_Biccer2]

I used to wrestle with my little cousin when he was in that WWE phase, and he was a hyper little dude. Still, without hurting him or really fighting back, I could easily keep him at bay.

I'd say I could take on 10-15 kids. More than that would have you succumbing to biting, hair pulling, and other dirty tricks. A boatload of kicks to the shin would bring you to the ground pretty easily, then you're done.

[lap cheng]

I was thinking that a "wall of kids" might collapse you but 5 year olds can't really piggy back each other up that high. Even if they all come at you it's at a very low plain by your knees. There's no way they could get to your head so the only way I can see them rendering you unconscious is out of fatigue/boredom of punting kids for 13 straight hours. Of course you would have to be allowed decent footwear.

I thought about the biting thing but if you're wearing say sweat pants, their little formula eating, nipple sucking teeth aren't equipped to break through the fabric of your clothes.

[dear23]

I think the more of them there were, the better I'd do-- one kid would be able to undo me by being adorable, while a swarm of anything, whether it be kids, bunnies, or roaches, is never cute.

[Guest]

I think the more of them there were, the better I'd do-- one kid would be able to undo me by being adorable, while a swarm of anything, whether it be kids, bunnies, or roaches, is never cute.

especially if they all have fangs.

[munk]

Up the ante - what if they were 5 year old...

..ZOMBIES...

[Guest]

Up the ante - what if they were 5 year old...

..ZOMBIES...

cute....

but still undead.