Thread for FrankD and dimenno Options

[Maximum Tor]

To hold funny underwater until it dies a slow, painful death.

[dimenno]

A TYPOLOGY OF TRULY OFFENSIVE JOKES
[All but three of these were collected online on 30 and 31 March, 2006
from the Boston area. Many of them, with the obvious exception of the
topical jokes, date back to 1985 or earlier; many to 1965; some are
variants of jokes which are even older. Interesting that racism and
sex murder seems to be by far the largest categories here. For
sources, see:]
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=125303
ALSO SEE:
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=125388
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=77614
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=110595

2.FOOLS:
MUTES, STUTERERS, AND IDIOTS
[ANTI-HANDICAPPED]
What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?
[Said in dreamy retarded voice]: Ice cream...!

VARIANT: What's better than winning a gold medal at the special olympics?
Not being retarded.

How did Helen Keller burn her face?
She answered the iron.

How do you make a skeleton?
Put a leper in a wind tunnel.

What do you do when an epileptic falls in a swimming pool?
Throw in a load of wash!

2. FOOLS
FOREIGNERS
[RACISM]
Why are there no black people in The Flintstones?
They were all monkeys back then.

Have you ever noticed there were no black people on the Jetsons?
The future is looking better already.

Black Man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder.
Bartender: Where did you get that thing?
Parrot: Rawwk! Africa!

What do you say to a black man in a 3 piece suit?
"Will the defendant please rise?"

How do you baby-sit for black kids?
Wet their lips and stick 'em up against the wall.

Why are aspirin white?
You want them to work, don't ya?

A black man is accused of rape and as a punishment he is taken to a
bullfighting ring and buried up to his neck in the sand, and then an
enraged bull is set loose. Through some supreme effort the black man
reaches up and bites off the bull's testicles. At which point the
audience begins screaming. "Fight fair, nigger, fight fair!!"

A Polack moved down South and one Saturday night he asked the good old
boys what they did for fun. One of them said, "Mostly we go down to
the bowling alley and beat up niggers." He he followed them to the
bowling alley and for some reason started smashing bowling balls
together. Then he hollered, "You go get the adults—I'll take care of
their eggs!"

Why are a black man's eyes always red after having sex?
Because of the mace.

What was the only thing missing at the Million Man March?
An auctioneer.

What's the difference between a black guy and a pizza?
Pizza can feed a family.

Why can't little black kids play in the sandbox?
Because the cats keep burying them.

2. FOOLS
FOREIGNERS
[ETHNOCENTRISM:
ANTI-HISPANIC]
Why do low riders have such tiny steering wheels?
So you can drive while wearing handcuffs.

Why should you never hit a Hispanic on a bike?
Could be your bike.

Why do Puerto Ricans paint their garbage cans orange?
So their kids will think they're eating at Howard Johnson's.

[ANTI-SEMITISM]
What's the ultimate Jewish dilemma?
Free ham.

How do you make a Jewish woman scream twice?
Fuck her in the ass and wipe your dick on the curtains.

Hitler walks into a bar. A guy at the bar goes, "Holy shit, Hitler?! I
thought you were dead!" And Hitler goes, "Nope, I'm back to life, and
I've got some plans." the guy goes, "Oh yeah? Shoot." So Hitler says,
"Well, first I'm going to kill millions of Jews in the worst way
imaginable. Then, I'm going to train a monkey in a little blue hat to
ride a unicycle and juggle." The guy goes, "why are you going to train
a monkey in a little blue hat to ride a unicycle and juggle?"
Hitler looks at the bartender and goes, "See, I told you no one cares
about the Jews."

[ANTI-ARAB]:
Hear about the hot dog vendor at the World Trade Center who said, "Who
ordered the two jumbos?"

Whaddya call a Walmart on the West Bank?
Target.

[ANTI-ASIAN]:
What do you call a Cambodian with two dogs?
Rancher.

5. THE SADISTIC CONCEPT
THE SADISTIC CONCEPT OF COITUS
[MISOGYNY]
Why do women wear make-up and perfume?
Because they're ugly and they smell bad.

What's the difference between a Maytag and a blonde?
Maytags won't follow you for weeks after you drop loads in it.

How do you make a woman cum?
Who cares!

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
Nothing.....you already told her twice.

What do all battered women have in common?
The bitch just won't listen.

10. HOMOSEXUALITY
How do you know if your roommate is GAY?
When his dick tastes like SHIT!

How can you tell if your house has been built by lesbians?
All tongue-in-groove; no studs.

10. HOMOSEXUALITY: PEDICATION:
[MICHAEL JACKSON]
What does Michael Jackson have in common with Wal-Mart?
Boy's shorts, half off.

What do McDonald's & Michael Jackson have in common?
They both put 40 year old meat in 6 year old buns.

How come Michael Jackson's pants never fit him in the morning?
They're not his.

Why does Michael Jackson like twenty six year olds so much?
There's twenty of them.

What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common ?
They both come on little white crackers.

What do Michael Jackson and tuna fish have in common?
Both come in little cans.

What's soft and brown and often found in diapers?
Michael Jackson's hand.

What's the difference between a penguin and Michael Jackson?
One is a cute black and white bird from the Antarctic and the other is
a totally insane nigger that fucks little boys.

12. DISEASE AND DISGUST
What's got 200 tits and flies?
The dumpster behind the Dana Farber Cancer Clinic.

DISEASE AND DISGUST:
FOOD-DIRTYING
Jesus was preaching to a crowd of lepers and they were all listening
attentively until one man in the back screamed "HEY! FUCK YOU!"
After the lepers had gone away, Jesus saw the man and asked him
what part of his speech had offended the man.
The leper replied: "Oh, I wasn't talking to YOU, Jesus—some guy was
dipping his BREAD in my SHOULDER!"

14. DYSPHEMISM, CURSING AND INSULTS:
MOCKING GOD
[ANTI-CLERICISM]
What's black and white and has a dirty name?
Sister Mary Fuckface.

[Be warned: I have placed these jokes last, not first, due to their
truly horrific nature.]

1. CHILDREN:
INCEST
Daddy, what's a degenerate?
Shut up and keep sucking.

What does a hillbilly girl say on her first date?
"Get off me Paw—you're crushin' my smokes."

1.CHILDREN:
PEDOPHILIA
[SEX MURDER AND DEAD BABIES]
Guy and his girlfriend are taking a walk.
The girl stops him and says "I have to get something off my chest. I
think you are a pedophile."
Guy replies "Whoa whoa whoa, those are some big words for an 8 year old."

What's the best thing about fucking a 6 year old girl?
Flip her over and it's like a 6 year old boy.

How do you get a baby out of a blender?
Nachos.

How do you make a six-year-old girl cry twice?
Fuck her in the ass, then wipe your dick on her teddy bear.

What is 18 inches long, stiff and makes women scream at night?
Crib death.

A child molester takes a kid into the forest. The kid says, "This
place is scary." The child molester says, "YOU'RE scared. I'm the one
that has to walk out of here alone."

What's the best thing about fucking a midget?
Your cock looks huge in her hands.

What's so funny about throwing a bag of babies down the stairs?
Everything.

What's the worst part about fucking an eight-year-old?
Getting the blood out of your clown suit.

What is the difference between an apple and a dead baby?
I don't cum on an apple before I take a bite out of it.

Whaddaya get when you slice the limbs off a baby with a dull razor blade?
A hard-on.

What is the difference between a baby and my grandmother?
My grandmother doesn't die when I fuck her up the ass.

What's better than fucking a 9 year old? Fucking a 6 year old.
What's better than fucking a 6 year old? Nothin'!

[And, indeed, we find that "nothing" is the ultimate punch line for
this variety of aggressively offensive verbal assault. To quote from
Gershon Legman, who devised the unbracketed typological
classifications above: "Under the mask of humor, our society allows
infinite aggressions, by everyone and against everyone. In the
culminating laugh by the listener or observer--whose position is
really that of the victim or butt--the teller of the joke betrays his
hidden hostility and signals his victory by being, theoretically at
least, the one person present who does not laugh. Compulsive
storytellers and joke-tellers express almost openly the hostile
components of their need, by forcing their jokes upon frankly
unwilling audiences among their friends and loved ones, and upon every
new person they meet. Often they proffer this openly as their only
social grace. the listener's expected laughter is, therefore, in a
most important but unspoken way, a shriving of the teller, a
reassurance that he has not been caught, that the listener has
partaken with him, willy-nilly, in the hostility or sexuality of the
joke, or has even acceded in being its victim or butt....This is
particularly clear in the type of rambling or pointless anecdote,
nowadays known as the...'shaggy dog' story....in [which] the avowed
butt of the joke is simply the person who has been tricked into
listening." (RATIONALE, 1st Series, first page.)

A TYPOLOGY OF TRULY OFFENSIVE JOKES PART II
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=125303
ALSO SEE:
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=125388
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=77614
http://www.thenoiseboard.com/index.php?showtopic=110595

Gershon Legman [on whose works this typology is based] saw his work as
a serious psychoanalytic study, one that would disclose the "infinite
aggressions" behind jokes, mainly of men against women. Legman spent
three and a half decades collecting the jokes in [the two] volumes [of
Rationale of the Dirty Joke]—transcribing some sixty thousand variants
on index cards, arranging them by type and motif, and tracing them
from country to country and culture to culture, back to the time of
Poggio and beyond. They were culled not only from written sources but
also from the field: parlor, beer joint, bedroom, and public
lavatory…. The result was, by his own account, a vast "decorative
showcase" of anxiety, repression, and neurosis, a magnum opus written
"almost as often in tears as in laughter." What drove him to this
singular labor? According to one friend, he saw himself "as the keeper
of the deepest subcellar in the burning Alexandria Library of the age;
the subcellar of our secret desires, which no one else was raising so
much as a finger to preserve."
But Legman must have suspected that he also had a subconscious stake
in his massive dirty-joke project. As a lay analyst, he believed that
"jokes are essentially an unveiling of the joke-teller's own neuroses
and compulsions, and his guilts about these." An enthusiasm for a
certain species of joke can be revealing in ways the enthusiast might
not fully appreciate. Take the dead-baby jokes that were popular in
the United States a few decades ago ("What's red and swings? A baby on
a meat hook," and so on). If you were one of the teen-agers who used
to tell such jokes, it might conceivably have had something to do with
murderous impulses arising from sibling rivalry. Even parents could
see the humor; after all, babies are such a lot of bother. Although
"sick jokes" of this sort lay outside Gershon Legman's purview, he did
make slightly puzzled reference to them, mentioning a "Dr. Dundes" as
an authority.—Jim Holt
http://www.newyorker.com/critics/books/?040419crbo_books

2.FOOLS:
MUTES, STUTTERERS, AND IDIOTS
[ANTI-HANDICAPPED]
Q:What does an elephant use for a vibrator?
A: An epileptic.

Q:Why didn't Superman stop the 9/11 attacks?
A: Because he was a cripple in a wheelchair.

2. FOOLS
FOREIGNERS
[RACISM]
Q What do you say when you see your TV floating around the house at night?
A "Drop it, nigger!"

Q: Why do black people always have sex on the brain?
A: All the pubic hair growing out of their head.

Q: What do they do with dead niggers in California?
A: Gut them to make wetsuits!

2. FOOLS
FOREIGNERS
[ETHNOCENTRISM:
ANTI-HISPANIC]
Q: What did the little Mexican boy get for Christmas?
A: My bike.

[ANTI-SEMITISM]
Q: What you do call a prostitute in Israel?
A: A fuckin' Jew.

[ANTI-ARAB]:
Q:Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the
same day in Iraq?
A: They don't want to wear out the camel.

[ANTI-ASIAN]
Q: What do you get when you cross an Asian with an Hispanic?
A: A car thief who drives like shit.

An Indian man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
"Yes, how can I help?" asks St Peter.
"I'm here to meet Jesus," says the Indian man.
St Peter looks over his shoulder and shouts, "Jesus, your cab is here!"

5. THE SADISTIC CONCEPT
THE SADISTIC CONCEPT OF COITUS
[MYSOGYNY]
Q: How many battered women does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: One, if she knows what's good for her.

Q:Why do women take longer to reach orgasm than men?
A: Who gives a shit?

Q:Why can't Helen Keller drive a car?
A: Because she's a woman.

Q:What's the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A: About 45 lbs.

Q. Why don't guys like to perform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
A. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?

I knew a little girl who was 8 before she was 7.

10. HOMOSEXUALITY
Q: What's the hardest part of rollerblading?
A: Telling your parents that you're gay.

10. HOMOSEXUALITY: PEDICATION:
Q:What's the difference between a faggot and a refrigerator?
A: A fridge doesn't fart when you take meat out of it.

12. DISEASE AND DISGUST:
FOOD-DIRTYING
Q: What's an eighty year old woman's pussy taste like?
A: Depends.
Q:How do you get that 80 year old woman wet, and ready for a romp in the hay?
A: You pick off the scabs and let the pus run.
A young man looking for companionship goes to the local brothel. He
asks the woman behind the counter for a blonde and she tells him to
wait in room 2 and she'll send someone to his room in a minute. He
goes to the room and is waiting when he sees a small bowl of tomatoes
sitting on the table. Since he's hungry, he started eating a few.
After a minute the blonde walked in, took one look at him, screamed
hysterically and ran out. The man was furious at her rudeness; after
all, this is a whorehouse. He goes to talk to the woman out front.

"What the hell!" he says. "That bitch just ran out on me for no reason."

"Well, that's strange." she replies. "What were you doing?"

"Nothing. I was just sitting in there eating tomatoes when she came
in, looked at me and ran out screaming."

"Sir, those weren't tomatoes, those were last week's abortions."

14. DYSPHEMISM, CURSING AND INSULTS:
ANTI-AUTHORITARIANISM
Q: What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?
A: George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.

MOCKING GOD
[ANTI-CLERICISM]
Q: What's the difference between pimples and a priest?
A: Pimples don't come on your face until you're a teenager.

Q: What's the difference between a picture of Jesus and the real Jesus?
A: You only need one nail to hang the picture.

Q: What do you give a paedophile who has everything?
A: A bigger parish.

Q: How does Jesus masturbate?
A: [Mime: place the palm of your hand over your groin, then move your
hand away from and towards yourself, as if you were using the hole
through your palm.]

A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea
and crying her eyes out. A priest approaches and says, "My child, why
are you so upset?"

The little girl turns to him and says, "My mummy and daddy were in
their car -- and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the
rocks down there."

The priest slowly looks around him while unbuttoning his cassock and
says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

1. CHILDREN:
PEDOPHILIA
[SEX MURDER AND DEAD BABIES]
Q: What's purple, covered in pus and squeals?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Q: What's worse than finding a dead baby on your pillow in the morning?
A: Realizing you were drunk and made love to it the night before.

Q: How do you make a baby cry twice?
A: Wipe your bloody cock on his teddy bear.

Q: What's worse than a having sex with a dead baby?
A: Having sex with a dead baby filled with razor blades.

Q: What's the difference between a Cadillac and a pile of dead babies?
A: I don't have a Cadillac in my garage

Q:What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
A:The 3 year old in the trunk.

Q:What's better than ten dead babies in a garbage can?
A: One dead baby in ten garbage cans.

[dimenno]

To hold funny underwater until it dies a slow, painful death.

Can't take it, can you?

[FrankD]

Minimum Tor

[dimenno]

The term "asshead" is quite old, dating back to the time of Samuel Johnson.

[Charlemagne]

Minimum Tor

Golf clap

[dimenno]

1:10

One thing I wanna say]
[One thing I wanna say] wanna say now
[One thing I wanna say] oh yeah
[One thing I wanna say]
You know people have some strange ideas about how life should be lived and things should be done
But I'm here to say you gotta do just what you want
And when they start all that talk, talk, talking
Remember just one thing:
[Bass solo]
Truth is the light [truth is the light]
The light is the way [light is the way]
The less folks know [the less they know]
The more they have to say [yeah, yeah]
And if you want me to [uh-huh]
Here's what I'll do for you [all right]
I'll light a candle and I'll pray
The Lord will bless you
I hope that someday He will understand
But till they do
Don't look back....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t-ne_H5HL88

[FrankD]

The term "asshead" is quite old, dating back to the time of Samuel Johnson.

meh, I'm over that historical period.

[dimenno]

It may repress the triumph of malignant criticism to observe, that if our language is not here fully displayed, I have only failed in an attempt which no human powers have hitherto completed. ... I have protracted my work till most of those whom I wished to please have sunk into the grave, and success and miscarriage are empty sounds: I therefore dismiss it with frigid tranquillity, having little to fear or hope from censure or from praise.

http://www.bartleby.com/39/28.html

via:
http://www.bartleby.com/39/

[dimenno]

This may well be much more to your liking.

Full text of "1811 Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue"

http://www.archive.org/stream/1811dictiona...gut/dcvgr10.txt

Random excerpts:

BLINDMAN'S HOLIDAY. Night, darkness.

BOH. Said to be the name of a Danish general, who so terrified
his opponent Foh, that he caused him to bewray
himself. Whence, when we smell a stink, it is custom
to exclaim, Foh! i.e. I smell general Foh. He cannot say
Boh to a goose; i.e. he is a cowardly or sheepish fellow.
There is a story related of the celebrated Ben Jonson, who
always dressed very plain; that being introduced to the
presence of a nobleman, the peer, struck by his homely
appearance and awkward manner, exclaimed, as if in doubt,
"you Ben Johnson! why you look as if you could not say
Boh to a goose!" "Boh!" replied the wit.

BOW-WOW. The childish name for a dog; also a jeering
appellation for a man born at Boston in America.

BUM TRAP. A sheriff's officer who arrests debtors.
Ware hawke! the bum traps are fly to our panney; keep a
good look out, the bailiffs know where our house is
situated.

BUTTOCK BALL. The amorous congress. CANT.

CREW. A knot or gang; also a boat or ship's company. The
canting crew are thus divided into twenty-three orders,
which see under the different words:

MEN.

1 Rufflers
2 Upright Men
3 Hookers or Anglers
4 Rogues
5 Wild Rogues
6 Priggers of Prancers
7 Palliardes
8 Fraters
9 Jarkmen, or Patricoes
10 Fresh Water Mariners, or Whip Jackets
11 Drummerers
12 Drunken Tinkers
13 Swadders, or Pedlars
14 Abrams.

WOMEN.

1 Demanders for Glimmer or Fire
2 Bawdy Baskets
3 Morts
4 Autem Morts
5 Walking Morts
6 Doxies
7 Delles
8 Kinching Morts
9 Kinching Coves

CUNNY-THUMBED. To double one's fist with the thumb inwards,
like a woman.

C**T. The chonnos of the Greek, and the cunnus of the Latin
dictionaries; a nasty name for a nasty thing: un con Miege.

DOG'S PORTION. A lick and a smell. He comes in for only
a dog's portion; a saying of one who is a distant admirer
or dangler after women. See DANGLER.


RIFF RAFF. Low vulgar persons, mob, tag-rag and bob-tail.

TO SNILCH. To eye, or look at any thing attentively: the
cull snilches. CANT.

STRIP ME NAKED. Gin.

STURDY BEGGARS. The fifth and last of the most ancient
order of canters, beggars that rather demand than ask
CANT.

To SWADDLE. To beat with a stick.

[dimenno]

Money slang
http://www.businessballs.com/moneyslanghistory.htm

[FrankD]

hey, when do I get a trophy?

[dimenno]

More From The [1811] Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue, by Captain Grose et al.

A WELCH RABBIT, [i. e. a Welch rare-bit] Bread and cheese
toasted. See RABBIT.--The Welch are said to be so
remarkably fond of cheese, that in cases of difficulty their
midwives apply a piece of toasted cheese to the janua vita
to attract and entice the young Taffy, who on smelling it
makes most vigorous efforts to come forth.

ACADEMY, or PUSHING SCHOOL. A brothel.

ADMIRAL OF THE NARROW SEAS. One who from drunkenness
vomits into the lap of the person sitting opposite to
him. SEA PHRASE.

ALL NATIONS. A composition of all the different spirits
sold in a dram-shop, collected in a vessel into which
the drainings of the bottles and quartern pots are emptied.

AMUSERS. Rogues who carried snuff or dust in their pockets,
which they threw into the eyes of any person they
intended to rob; and running away, their accomplices
(pretending to assist and pity the half-blinded person)
took that opportunity of plundering him.

APE LEADER. An old maid; their punishment after
death, for neglecting increase and multiply, will be, it is
said, leading apes in hell.

BACK GAMMON PLAYER. A sodomite.

BACK DOOR (USHER, or GENTLEMAN OF THE). The same.

BARKING IRONS. Pistols, from their explosion resembling
the bow-wow or barking of a dog. IRISH.

BASKET-MAKING. The good old trade of basket-making;
copulation, or making feet for children's stockings.

BAT. A low whore: so called from moving out like bats in
the dusk of the evening.

BED-MAKER. Women employed at Cambridge to attend
on the Students, sweep his room, &c. They will put their
hands to any thing, and are generally blest with a pretty
family of daughters: who unmake the beds, as fast as they
are made by their mothers.

BEILBY'S BALL. He will dance at Beilby's ball, where the
sheriff pays the music; he will be hanged.

BELCH. All sorts of beer; that liquor being apt to cause
eructation.

BITER. A wench whose **** is ready to bite her a-se; a
lascivious, rampant wench.

BLACK SPICE RACKET. To rob chimney sweepers of
their soot, bag and soot.

COB, or COBBING. A punishment used by the seamen for
petty offences, or irregularities, among themselves: it
consists in bastonadoing the offender on the posteriors with
a cobbing stick, or pipe staff; the number usually inflicted
is a dozen. At the first stroke the executioner repeats
the word WATCH, on which all persons present are to take
off their hats, on pain of like punishment: the last stroke
is always given as hard as possible, and is called THE PURSE.
Ashore, among soldiers, where this punishment is sometimes
adopted, WATCH and THE PURSE are not included in the
number, but given over and above, or, in the vulgar phrase,
free gratis for nothing. This piece of discipline is also
inflicted in Ireland, by the school-boys, on persons coming
into the school without taking off their hats; it is there
called school butter.

COLD PIG. To give cold pig is a punishment inflicted on
sluggards who lie too long in bed: it consists in pulling off
all the bed clothes from them, and throwing cold water
upon them.


CRIB. A house. To crack a crib: to break open a house.

CUNNING MAN. A cheat, who pretends by his skill in
astrology to assist persons in recovering stolen goods: and
also to tell them their fortunes, and when, how often,
and to whom they shall be married; likewise answers all
lawful questions, both by sea and land. This profession
is frequently occupied by ladies.

DIDDEYS. A woman's breasts or bubbies.

DILBERRIES. Small pieces of excrement adhering to the
hairs near the fundament.

DILDO. [From the Italian DILETTO, q. d. a woman's delight;
or from our word DALLY, q. d. a thing to play withal.]
Penis-succedaneus, called in Lombardy Passo Tempo. Bailey.

DOODLE SACK. A bagpipe. Dutch.--Also the private parts
of a woman.

DUMB GLUTTON. A woman's privities.

FART. He has let a brewer's fart, grains and all; said of
one who has bewrayed his breeches.

Piss and fart.
Sound at heart.
Mingere cum bumbis,
Res saluberrima est lumbis.

I dare not trust my a-se with a fart: said by a person troubled
with a looseness.

FART CATCHER. A valet or footman from his walking
behind his master or mistress.

FARTLEBERRIES. Excrement hanging about the anus.

FEAGUE. To feague a horse; to put ginger up a horse's
fundament, and formerly, as it is said, a live eel, to make
him lively and carry his tail well; it is said, a forfeit is
incurred by any horse-dealer's servant, who shall shew a
horse without first feaguing him. Feague is used,
figuratively, for encouraging or spiriting one up.

GRANNY. An abbreviation of grandmother; also the name
of an idiot, famous for licking, her eye, who died Nov. 14,
1719. Go teach your granny to suck eggs; said to such
as would instruct any one in a matter he knows better than
themselves.

HEDGE WHORE. An itinerant harlot, who bilks the bagnios
and bawdy-houses, by disposing of her favours on the
wayside, under a hedge; a low beggarly prostitute.

HOPPER-ARSED. Having large projecting buttocks: from
their resemblance to a small basket, called a hopper or
hoppet, worn by husbandmen for containing seed corn,
when they sow the land.

http://www.gutenberg.org/dirs/etext04/dcvgr10.txt

[dimenno]

Contra Hipsterism: Some Guidelines
1) Fascination is subjective. Nobody is interested in the bike with a cool banana seat you used to own when you were eight years old.
2) Fame is not vicarious. Having a cousin who knows a lot of famous people does not make you famous.
3) Creativity is the highest human goal. Origination is good. Regurgitation creates a stench which never goes away.
4) Mass media ...is mostly a stained-glass window for imbeciles.
5) All fashion is merely protective coloration.
6) You cannot know very much unless you know history. You cannot know history until you actually study history. A lot of history. Owning an Abraham Lincoln bobblehead does not make you a civil war expert.
7) Talking face to face to actual human beings is far more important than owning things.
8) Your knowledge is always merely a more sophisticated form of ignorance.
9) Free your thinking. There is nothing beautiful about a caged animal.
10) Before you condemn anybody, look deep into your own heart.

[FrankD]

no one's changed the linens in here for quite some OH MY GOD WHAT IS THAT??????