The Danny Vermin Cookbook, Acceptable Dishes for Acceptable Palates Options

[JodyThePig]

The Scally Is Not a Bread Press is pleased to announce the publication of a new foray into culinary writing for people who know what they know and ain't taking no shit from no one, The Danny Vermin Cookbook: Acceptable Dishes for Acceptable Palates. Best known for his many op-ed articles on every issue under the sun, the polymathic Vermin has now turned his gimlet gaze upon the kitchen and (SPOILER ALERT!!) finds it wanting. He offers his new culinary compendium to redress this paucity of real, from-the-hip street smarts in matters gastronomic, serving up recipes that any nonpretentious and unbearded Regular Guy can enjoy without any attendent fear of being laughed at.

From the Foreword:

I love flavor. Marinara sauce has flavor. Alfredo sauce has flavor. Cannolis have flavor.

I hate sour rotten tasting food that smells like onions and body odor. Greeks use nasty shit like artichokes and fennel instead of tomato or cheese.

They can't even get a fucking dessert right.

Italians - Biscotti.

Greeks - fucking spinach pie.

Who the fuck thinks up this shit? "Yeah, let's take that tasty, crispy, pastry and instead of filling it with something sweet or delicious, we'll fill it with spinach or broccolli!"

It's like they have negative taste buds, and everything that tastes like ass to anyone else is what tastes good to them.

Advance copies available for review.

This post has been edited by JodyThePig: Sep 9 2009, 10:08 AM

[Danny Vermin]

Chapter 2:

India and other international destinations to avoid while eating.

If you go to a "new restaurant" and the chef is doing this in the kitchen, it might be best to avoid dining there:

[Flipper]

The Scally Is Not a Bread Press is pleased to announce the publication of a new foray into culinary writing for people who know what they know and ain't taking no shit from no one, The Danny Vermin Cookbook: Acceptable Dishes for Acceptable Palates. Best known for his many op-ed articles on every issue under the sun, the polymathic Vermin has now turned his gimlet gaze upon the kitchen and (SPOILER ALERT!!) finds it wanting. He offers his new culinary compendium to redress this paucity of real, from-the-hip street smarts in matters gastronomic, serving up recipes that any nonpretentious and unbearded Regular Guy can enjoy without any attendent fear of being laughed at.

From the Foreword:

I love flavor. Marinara sauce has flavor. Alfredo sauce has flavor. Cannolis have flavor.

I hate sour rotten tasting food that smells like onions and body odor. Greeks use nasty shit like artichokes and fennel instead of tomato or cheese.

They can't even get a fucking dessert right.

Italians - Biscotti.

Greeks - fucking spinach pie.

Who the fuck thinks up this shit? "Yeah, let's take that tasty, crispy, pastry and instead of filling it with something sweet or delicious, we'll fill it with spinach or broccolli!"

It's like they have negative taste buds, and everything that tastes like ass to anyone else is what tastes good to them.

Advance copies available for review.

A+

[Dook of Oil]

This thread. Two thumbs up.


Chapter 3: The Meatball Sub

To toast or not to toast that is the question? Is it nobler of the provolone to melt from the heat of the sauce or the oven. Or to take arms against the sea of soggyness and by toasting end them? To toast; to crunch.

[allie]

The Scally Is Not a Bread Press

So many gems, but this is killing me.

[Danny Vermin]

This thread. Two thumbs up.
Chapter 3: The Meatball Sub

To toast or not to toast that is the question? Is it nobler of the provolone to melt from the heat of the sauce or the oven. Or to take arms against the sea of soggyness and by toasting end them? To toast; to crunch.

always toasted.

No "American" cheese. Provolone only. With a hint of parmesan/romano as a topping. Sauce should be RED not brown, and light, not heavily poured on or dripping. It's a sandwich after all, not a soup.

[Look Sharp!]

"Yeah, let's take that tasty, crispy, pastry and instead of filling it with something sweet or delicious, we'll fill it with spinach or broccolli!"

[Look Sharp!]

always toasted.

please explain

d'angelo's never had toasters until a few years ago when quiznos came on the scene and subway and dangelos had to compete

the only places that have always toasted subs are those greek pizza places that you hate so much

[Dook of Oil]

please explain

d'angelo's never had toasters until a few years ago when quiznos came on the scene and subway and dangelos had to compete

the only places that have always toasted subs are those greek pizza places that you hate so much

Wow you don't get out much. Real pizza places (not the Greek ones) have brick ovens and if you say Meatball Parm, provolone, toasted...the put the cheese on the bread and stick it in the brick oven. This is great for 2 reasons: 1, the crispy bread and 2, the provo melts to the bread creating a barrier from sogginess allowing them to use minimal sauce to keep your balls moist.

[Danny Vermin]

d'angelo's

quiznos

subway

Nasty. All of them. McDonalds of Subs.

there are a ton of authentic Italian pizza/sub places that toast subs and do it right.

[Yesterday]

please explain

d'angelo's never had toasters until a few years ago when quiznos came on the scene and subway and dangelos had to compete

the only places that have always toasted subs are those greek pizza places that you hate so much

In his defense pretty much every Italian American take-out/delivery pizza/sub joint in Buffalo has always offered to toast the roll for subs like this, if not just toasting it without asking.

[smcd]

The Scally Is Not a Bread Press is pleased to announce the publication of a new foray into culinary writing for people who know what they know and ain't taking no shit from no one, The Danny Vermin Cookbook: Acceptable Dishes for Acceptable Palates. Best known for his many op-ed articles on every issue under the sun, the polymathic Vermin has now turned his gimlet gaze upon the kitchen and (SPOILER ALERT!!) finds it wanting. He offers his new culinary compendium to redress this paucity of real, from-the-hip street smarts in matters gastronomic, serving up recipes that any nonpretentious and unbearded Regular Guy can enjoy without any attendent fear of being laughed at.

From the Foreword:

I love flavor. Marinara sauce has flavor. Alfredo sauce has flavor. Cannolis have flavor.

I hate sour rotten tasting food that smells like onions and body odor. Greeks use nasty shit like artichokes and fennel instead of tomato or cheese.

They can't even get a fucking dessert right.

Italians - Biscotti.

Greeks - fucking spinach pie.

Who the fuck thinks up this shit? "Yeah, let's take that tasty, crispy, pastry and instead of filling it with something sweet or delicious, we'll fill it with spinach or broccolli!"

It's like they have negative taste buds, and everything that tastes like ass to anyone else is what tastes good to them.

Advance copies available for review.

Dear sir.

This is some of your best work ever.



Sincerely,

smcd

[ƒ(x)]

Have to agree with Vermin as far as the spinch pie goes. They always taste like stagnant pond water.

[smcd]

Wow you don't get out much. Real pizza places (not the Greek ones) have brick ovens

I respectfully suggest that you have something of a gilded image of what Italian pizzerias are like. The vast majority of them use industrial steel ovens. Now maybe that doesn't fit your view of "real", but it could be that your standards are somewhat unrealistic.

Is Santarpio's a "real" pizzeria? Have you seen their oven??

[Dook of Oil]

I respectfully suggest that you have something of a gilded image of what Italian pizzerias are like. The vast majority of them use industrial steel ovens. Now maybe that doesn't fit your view of "real", but it could be that your standards are somewhat unrealistic.

Is Santarpio's a "real" pizzeria? Have you seen their oven??

My definition of a brick oven is lessened. Industrial steel oven lined with slabs of fire brick. Still better than the conveyor belt pizza oven the greeks use.

And yes Santarps does use a brick oven, an actual full brick oven.

This post has been edited by Dook of Oil: Sep 9 2009, 10:46 AM

[Danny Vermin]

My definition of a brick oven is lessened. Industrial steel oven lined with slabs of fire brick. Still better than the conveyor belt pizza oven the greeks use.

I just thought it was funny that Look Sharp seems to think the only options are Subway/D'angelos or some nasty Greek place.

[Dook of Oil]

I just thought it was funny that Look Sharp seems to think the only options are Subway/D'angelos or some nasty Greek place.

I have NEVER had a sub at Subway or D'Angelos. Truth.

[DanPM]

I have NEVER had a sub at Subway or D'Angelos. Truth.

too busy over at Taco Bell

[Dook of Oil]

too busy over at Taco Bell

I am thinking of taco bell for lunch today.

[smcd]

And yes Santarps does use a brick oven, an actual full brick oven.

Really??? What's that big stainless steel conveyor thing, then?? I mean, I know there's brick in the oven, but that conveyor?? Doesn't seem to me to be tradizionale. Know what I'm saying, paisan??

[Dook of Oil]

Really??? What's that big stainless steel conveyor thing, then?? I mean, I know there's brick in the oven, but that conveyor?? Doesn't seem to me to be tradizionale. Know what I'm saying, paisan??

Santarps doesn't have a conveyor, or at least didn't the last time I was in the kitchen (which was back in the 90s). Those conveyor ovens are horrible.

[smcd]

I have NEVER had a sub at Subway or D'Angelos. Truth.

Subway and D'Angelo's can be good road food. I had a Subway sammich out in Godknowswhere Oklahoma, and I was glad to get it.

Taco Bell is far far worse than Subway and D'Angelo's. Not that I haven't ripped through my share of 99c "burritos".

[Charlemagne]

Santarps doesn't have a conveyor, or at least didn't the last time I was in the kitchen (which was back in the 90s). Those conveyor ovens are horrible.

They are good for threatening Post Office workers.

[Look Sharp!]

I just thought it was funny that Look Sharp seems to think the only options are Subway/D'angelos or some nasty Greek place.

its true - i am only speaking from personal experience

obviously you can just throw a sub in a pizza oven to toast it,

i just couldnt think of a single NON-greek pizza place besides PAPA GINOS

when trying to think of places i grew up with

thats the real issue here

[Look Sharp!]

Really??? What's that big stainless steel conveyor thing, then?? I mean, I know there's brick in the oven, but that conveyor?? Doesn't seem to me to be tradizionale. Know what I'm saying, paisan??

GOOD ENOUGH FOR DOMINO, GOOD ENOUGH FOR SANTARPIO